


The Jock King And The Nerd Peasant

by Luciu_Splendente



Category: Ed Edd n Eddy
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Normal High School, Bullying, Drama, Drama & Romance, Explicit Language, High School, Homophobic Language, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-27
Updated: 2015-08-23
Packaged: 2018-04-11 13:53:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 25,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4438013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luciu_Splendente/pseuds/Luciu_Splendente
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kevin is the king of Peach Creek High School. However, when Eddward transfers into the school due to his dad's job, he catches Kevin's interest by being the only loser who has the nerve to backchat to His Royal Highness! Meanwhile, Eddy and Nazz are fuming, and will do anything to ensure the two boys will never realise their fated love! What's going to happen? [KevEdd], </p><p>Trigger warnings: Bullying, homophobic language, physical abuse (NOTE: Not all trigger warnings can be revealed due to spoilers, sorry.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Le Garçon avec le Chapeau de Chaussette Noire

It was the final year of school for senior Eddward Marion Stuart, but his very first day at his new residences biggest high school, Peach Creek High School.

Edd, as he was often refered to as, was born and bred in New York City, and had never even heard of Peach Creek until his fathers job required him and his family to move to the small quite suburb. Most kids would loathe having to move schools in their final year. They would have made heaps of friends they didn't want to be appart from and wouldn't want to be thrust into a totally new environment during their educationally critical year.

But Edd wasn't "most kids". In fact, Edd was a genius. A kind, warm, do-gooder, angelic, cherubic, wealthy, privileged, perfect son, naïve, innocent, polite, courteous, patient, well-behaved and adorkable GENIUS of epic proportions. In spite of this it didn't matter which school he'd have to go to, because the results were always the same. In spite of his laundry list of positive qualities, he was afflicted with a dreaded social title that would render any sort of happiness in high school impossible: Edd is a bonnafide bug-loving, fashion-unconscious, trend-blind, socially anxious NERD. A loser geek nerd. A Nerdy loser geek. A Geeky nerdy loser. The exact order of his "friend deflector" titles didn't matter. The point is that Peach Creek High School was going to be no different from the others. Sure, he'll be at the top of his grade with a perfect GAP, win first place in all the science fairs and will obvious be valedictorian if he stays at Peach Creek until graduation. However, the jocks will quickly sniff him out as though nerds give of a distinct scent, give him shit and make his high school life hell. Every single day will feel like his computer crashing a day before a big assignment was due. The dread! The horror! The encroaching doom… that never ends!

"Edward, be sure to _never_ catch Peach Creek's school bus."

Edward snapped out of his imagined Peach Creek High failtastic future. A glamorous, well-dressed middle-aged woman peered into the rearview mirror of her overpriced luxury vehicle. Her masses of 24K gold bangles bangled against one another whenever she turned the steering wheel.

"Mother?" Ed uttered, utterly confused by Mother Dearest's seemingly random cautioning. It was already bizarre that she bothered to drop him off to school, considering she has to be at work at like _now_.

"Did you not do your research at all, Eddward Marian Harvard Stuart? " Edd's mother's tone of voice was indicating to the 17-year-old genious that he should have already known this. She was deeply unimpressed.

"S-sorry, Mother, I… Could you please explain?" Eddward asked nervously. It was like he was about to beg a bully not to steal his lunch money or shove him in a locker.

"Very well. Six months ago-"

Mother was interupted by the sounds of electronic bells and whistles that filled the interior of her Volkswagen Touareg. Without taking her heavily made-up eyes off of the road, Edds mother pressed onto the "answer call" button which was conveniently installed on the steering wheel. Edd knew that fate worse than death awaited those who interrupted her while she was on the phone, so he sat there rigidly, not even daring to blink too many times in case that would make too much noise. The only thing more important than Mother's business calls are… Actually, not even Eddward knew.

" _Bianca! You were supposed to be here two-and-a-half minutes ago!"_ a gruff, middle-aged mean's voice boomed into the car through the speakers.

"Oh, Mr. Trump! I assure you, I am on my way! It is my son's first day of-"

" _I DON'T GIVE A DAMN IF IT'S HIS FUNERAL AND BIRTHDAY AND WEDDING AND GRADUATION ALL ROLLED INTO ONE! OUR NEXT WHALE OF A CLIENT IS ABOUT TO WALK THROUGH THESE DOORS, AND I NEED ALL HANDS ON DECK. GET HERE._ _ **RIGHT NOW**_ _! ALSO, BE SURE TO CIRCULATE *THAT* PICTURE WITH THE "ICING SUGAR" IF LAST WEEK'S OPPOSING COUNCIL WON'T SETTLE FOR AT LEAST 2.1 BILL BY THIS AFTERNOON!"_

The electronic sound of Bianca Stuart's bluetooth signified the call being disconnected abruptly. With the way Mr. Trump carried on with his _highly professional_ business call, one wouldn't be blamed for thinking Bianca has been getting this "abusive boss routine" for a long time. However, it's only been a week since landing her new job as an elite attorney with an outrageous hourly rate at Trump  & Gates Law Offices. Edd figured that the only reason why anybody would work for Mr. Trump would be the said "outrageous hourly rate". It has always amazed the pure, incorruptible Edd how much abuse people are willing to deal with for money… as well as a noncahalantly commit "legally questionable" (totally illegal) acts. Oh well. There's no way he can stand up to Mother without being pushed down a flight of stares, not to mention that her job put's food on the table. A lot of food. Almost _too much_ food.

"Eddward, the GPS says we're only five minutes away from Peach Creek High. I have no more time to waste on your commute, so walk the rest of the way by yourself, ok?"

As soon as Bianca pulled over to the side of the busy street, Eddward exit the lavish SUV. Without a word of goodbye or an apology for "having to" essentially boot her teenage adopted son out, Bianca drove off in a huff, no doubt breaking the speed limit imposed on the area. His mother might have added an "OK?" at the end with a tone that would imply seeking confirmation, but the genius high school knew better than that. It was a command disguised as an option. Why after all these years she'd bother with such a transparent pretense, Eddward will never know. Perhaps it's a professional habbit that has crossed over into her private conversational methods? No wonder Father does his best to not be at home. No wonder they sleep in seperate beds.

Whatever the case he didn't get to find out what this 'no school bus" thing is all about…

 

* * *

 

A massive, mostly rectangular building complex with the school's logo and name embossed onto the front wall with silver capital letters. One large grassy oval to the right. A large gymnasium to the left. Students pouring out of the big yellow school bus (which seemed normal to Edd, he still didn't understand what Mother was so disdained about). As it was almost 7:50am, most of the students were making their way towards their home room classes, which were to start at 8am sharp. Peach Creek High School couldn't be a more stereotypical public high school even if it religiously took cues from Hollywood teen movies. In fact, in Eddward's opinion, Peach Creak High _IS_ an embodiment of Hollywood American high school clichés. All he needed for his "Welcome to Hollywood High BINGO!" was for the varsity jocks to bully nerds in front of the lockers, cheerleaders to prance around in their uniforms and for the burnouts to sneak behind the sports shed to mess up their lifes with drugs.

" _I should not be dismissive,"_ Edd thought to himself as he stared at the sky. As through it were trying to warn him that his life will suck at the bottom of the social food chain forever, the sky was an ominous dark grey, with not a single bit of blue to be seen. The sun was merely a blury white orb dotting the sky behind the might of the thick, grey rain clouds. _"I am just nervous, is all. Peach Creek is a more larger school than the previous ones I have attended, with apparently 900 or so students. In my grade alone, there should be 250~300 students. Surely I'll find at least one companion?"_

As he crunched the statistics in his brilliant genius mind, his concentration on the path ahead of him was no longer maintained. He walked towards the automated glass sliding door entrance, not realising his fate-changing moment that was about to occur.

"Yo, so I pushed that sophmore tryhard into the trash can. He looked at my gal, ya know? Gotta put Dorky McDorkington in his place."

The flame haired, red baseball capped jock's two friends guffawed racuously, as though the capped young man had said something profoundly witty and hilarious. The three of them was as conscience of their surrounding as young Eddward was. That is to say, hardly, if at all.

Almost as though it were forced and contrived, Eddward collided his shoulder with the redheaded jock's.

_BUMP!_

The obsidian-haired genius's consciousness was dragged back down to earth from the small jolt of pain in his right shoulder.

"What the fuck, man. Watch where the fuck your going you fucktard!"

Eddward stood back up, collecting his fallen messenger bag along the way. However, the moment he had stood back up, the angery redhead pushed Edd against the edges of the sliding door. Not only did that hurt more than the shoulder-to-shoulder collision, but he found himself back on the cold, white marbled concrete floor.

"You fuckin' listenin' to me man?"

"Yeah, fuckhead. You just bumped into Kevin Barr, the coolest guy in Peach Creek High, a varsity player for the basketball, football, rugby and hockey teams, AND a senior to boot!" chimed in one of Kevin's companions, who closed in on Edd from the left.

"Don't forget that Nazz Van Bartonschmeer's his girl. He's a million times more important than you'll ever be. Say sorry or else!" the other companion closed in on Edd to his right.

"I-I am sorry, Kevin and his two companions!" Edd huddled into a foetal position and quickly apologized. It was almost laughably predictable, yet Eddward still couldn't believe his bad luck. Of all people to bump into, did it have to be the top jock of high school… on the first day? What were the odds?

"Oi, dork. You're supposed to give eye contact when apologising."

"I have apologised, Kevin. You ought to apologize too, as both of our concentrations were clearly not on the paths ahead of us." Edd suddenly felt compelled to defend himself, against all better judgement and his usual lack of assertiveness.

Thoroughly unimpressed, Kevin grabbed Edd's jaw and forced the latter to look up at him. From that moment, everything had changed. Everything he thought he knew about himself was put into question. This skinny, pale-skinned, poorly-dressed geek was the most beautiful guy he had ever laid eyes on. Actually, Kevin even wondered if this geek was a girl for a second.

Though his chin was aching from being grabbed so roughly, the pain seemed to only accentuate the moment as soon as Eddward realised how handsome Kevin was. It was terifying until he looked into his eyes. No wonder this Kevin Barr was the most popular guy. His prominent chin and angular, chiselled features. His cold and almost predatory yet decidedly masculine gaze.

They're hearts skipped a beat, and time seemed, to stand still, all around them.

" _He's not a girl. What the fuck am I thinking? There's no fuckin' way this leader of the NerdGeekLoser patrol is hotter than Nazz. What the fuck…"_

" _This Kevin lad has quickly established himself to me as a foul-mouthed, unlikeable, uncouth, stereotypical jock. Yet the feel of his large, masculine hands tightly grabbing my chin is inexplicably pleasant, I am forced to admit…"_

Wanting to forget about this moment ever happening, Kevin pushed back and let go of Edd's jaw, causing the latter to yet again, slam into the edge of the automatic door. "Hey, I haven't seen you 'round before. What grade you in?"

"I am a senior, and today is my first day at Peach Creek High. That is the reason you have never seen me before."

"What's your name, nerd?" Kevin continued his interrogation.

"Eddward Stuart. You may call me "Edd", if you wish."

"What class you in, dork?"

"I believe I will be in 1-D."

"You fuckin' kiddin' me. That's the same as mine. You better not fuckin' cause trouble for me, ya here? Or Else I'll kick ya punny ass again."

"Right…" was all Edd could say. There is probably a nice vertical line starting from the back of his neck and ending along the base of his spine from being slammed into the automatic door's edge twice. He didn't want "third time unlucky" to strike and become a paraplegic at the tender young age of 16.

"Good. Glad we have an understanding, dork. C'mon dudes, it's almost homeroom."

Kevin strutted off with his two companions, who made it a point to turn around and snicker at Edd's misfortunes.

" _Fantastic. In just roughly 15 minutes of my short time at Peach Creek High, I have already managed to get on the bad sides of the school's most popular students…"_

That same sense of dread he felt earlier on in his mother's car returned, eating away the pleasant feelings he had experienced when bumping into Kevin Bar.

"Woah nice going. Now your life is gonna suck hairy, stinkin' balls!"

Crawling out of the woodwork after the commotion was a short, stumpy guy with thin blue hair. He wore a pair of lite blue jeans and his yellow red-stripped shirt was emblazoned with the words, _"W.B. Church 4 Life!"_

"I, errr… Hello," greeted Edd unsurely, still not sure what the "W.B. Church" was supposed to be. This boy did not come across as the religious type. Or was "Church" someone's last name? He seemed to recall a singer with the last name "Church"...

"Get up, I'm into 1-D too. I'll show ya the way, on one condition."

"Condition?"

The short blue-haired boy mistook Edd's parroting as approval rather than confusion. "Yeah, bro. It's simple as."

"Please do elaborate me on this "condition" of yours."

"Are you gay?"

Panic struck Eddward's heart and mind. Kevin is the only guy who he had ever felt "his heart flutter" by. However, it had to be a mistake! He has never had any homosexual feelings before that moment.

"Dude?" Eddy wondered what was taking Eddward so long too answer a simple "yes or no" question.

"Of course not! I would never betray Mother and Father in such a manner."

"Good answer, kiddo. Why anybody would choose that lifestyle is beyond me. Anyhow, I'm Edward Flanders, but everyone just calls me Eddy."

"It is both a pleasure and a coincidence, Eddy," Eddward shook the shorter Edward's hand. He was relieved that his suspiciously vehement denial of homosexually placated Eddy. "For I am also an Edward. My name is Eddward Stuart. Eddward with two Ds. However, most simply refer to me as 'Edd.'"

"Double D it is." Eddy decided the newly-nicknamed Eddward without the later's opinion. However, it was not an issue as Eddward now "Double D", showed no signs of being disatisfied. "I had a friend called Ed already, so it's a bit weird for me. Double D it is."

"I see… when you say, 'had', you don't mean to say…"

Sensing Edd's reluctance to finish off his question, Eddy completed his thoughts. "Yeah, Ed's dead."

Eddy's flippantness surprised the Double D.

"It happened like… maybe 6 months or so ago, man? You live and move on." Eddy yet again, sensed Edd's surprise and attempted to explain himself. "Thats why I don't catch school buses no more, dude, and neither should you, man."

"Pardon me, Eddy, but there has been something I have been wondering since this morning. Mother cautioned me to not board Peach Creek's school bus. Have you any idea why?"

Eddy didn't even need to think. "About 6 months ago, one of Peach Creek's buses combusted."

"Forgive me, but I am sure you meant to say 'composted.'"

"Blah, blah, yes, yes, I did, Grammar Nazi. Do you want me to tell you what happened or not, dude?" Eddy was obviously not pleased about being corrected. Also, he felt like something wasn't right.

"I apologise, Eddy. I only intended to help."

"Yeah, well, shut up. Anyway, the bus _composted_ , and every student on it and the bus driver died instantly. The cops can't say for sure if it was done with the intent to kill some fag who deserved it or just some dumbasses around, but point is, Ed, his kid sister, that fag cunt dryke Jammy and the rest were put on the bus… probably by their moms and yeah, kaboom."

"Oh my… and my word, what awful language, Eddy. You should not use such words."

"Can it, dude. Anyways, it wasn't a 100% horrible thing. Those Kanker trailer trash bitches were on the bus and got their ugly mugs roasted, Sarah got blown to smithereens, that weirdo Jonny along with Plank got burnt to a crisp, plus that flaming faggot Jimmy was there and is now burning in the hell he belongs in. Well, frankly, Rolf was alright, so he didn't deserve it, and obviously, Ed shouldn't have gone so early."

"Oh dear… Well, Eddy, you must not say such things. No matter the person, nobody deserves such a fate."

Eddy just laughed at Double D. "Anybody who hasn't had to deal with the Kanker sisters, Sarah and faggot Jimmy could ever say that. Alright, fair enough about Jonny. The dude was fuckin' weird, but not a bad person. Anyway, let's just get to homeroom, man. I want to hurry up and get marked on the role call so I can fuck off elsewhere."

"Sure, Eddy…" Edd replied unsurely. He felt disjointed from the list of casualties as he's never met these people before. However, that didn't change the fact that his super-kind nature felt for their unfortunate ends. He agreed about having to get to homeroom, but will have to try and get Edy to stay for class. Actually, will they even be taking the same classes? Eddy doesn't come across as the study type and is unlikely to be taking up chemistry. He made a mental note to conffer with Eddy about their time tables later on.

Maybe things weren't going to be so bad for the intelligent Ed after all. Sure, he became enemies with the most popular guy in school, but he's already made a friend- Edward "Eddy" Flanders.

 

* * *

 

**TRIGGER WARNINGS:** Bullying, homophobic language and sentiments, slight physical abuse, minute parental neglect

**DISCLAIMER:** I _**don't**_ own Edd, Ed, n' Eddy. Thanks for making EEENE, Mr. Danny! **  
**

**A/N:** Hey everyone, this is my first attempt at a KevEdd fic. Hope you like it! Its boring now but I promise it gets better later just trying to set the scene and such. Sorry if the summary was a bit dodgy I'm not too great at them yet may rewrite it if I think of a better one. Anyway I've already gotten some other chapters lined up and have pretty much planned everything so if the responses are good I'm good to go upload more good stuff. Flamers un-welcome, but critics accepted.


	2. Le Fabuleux Trois, Quatre Anciennement

**A/N:** Hey all, like I said last chapter, I've got some stuff lined up so yeah thought I should upload another one quicker than I planned due to the positive feedback. Thanks guys!

 **Discalmer:** I wish I owned EnEE, that woudl be cool.

 

* * *

 

12:50pm came surprisingly early. Students pored out the classrooms and to their lockers eager to put their study gear away and get lunch at the cafeteria or eat outside if the weather wasn't to bad.

"Yo Double D."

The gruff voice belonging to Eddy caught Double Ds attention. Edd had just finished putting his study gear in his locker.

"Eddy? What class did you just have?"

"Peach Creek Mall," Eddy replied with a smirk on his face. "Riveting lesson in economics and social studies, I must say. Anyway, let's hurry up and get in line at the cafeteria."

"Hmm," Eddy grunted disapprovingly of his friend's truancy. "Right, let us get going."

The two Eds made their way towards the school's cafeteria.

"What did you have? I'll bet you're doing The Suicide Five."

"'The Suicide Five?' What on Earth is that?"

"Advanced Mathematics, Biology, Chemistry, English Literature and Physics," Eddy recalled the five subjects, counting them off on each of his fingers to keep track. "I'll bet you're gonna take up the AP classes later this year, am I right or am I right?"

"My word, Eddy, you are completely correct. Mother and Father would not approve of me choosing easier subjects, let alone not taking up AP classes! The last time I requested to do History instead of Chemistry, they did not let me eat dinner for a week and called me an embarrassment to the Stuart family."

Eddy let out a somewhat sympathetic sigh. He would hate his parents forever if they forced him to take up even _one_ of Edd's subjects. "Thank God my family don't give a shit about what I do. I've picked all the easy stuff. Y'know? PE, Music, Drama, Maths Applications and Tourism. The dumb kids stuff. I mean _Tourism_? What a joke. It's obviously a life raft for the fucking retarded. All Id have to do is pass the exam to graduate. Easy as hell."

"There no shame in choosing lighter subjects Eddy. It could prove to be instrumental in ensuring you maintain a solid GAP… Though in truth not opting to undertake certain subjects may impact your college applications."

"The fuck dude? I'm not going to college. No fucking way." Eddy laughed at Edd's presumption that all secondary school graduates will venture into college to get anywhere in life. "You got a _reeeal_ narrow world view, bro."

"Then what are you going to do, Eddy? An apprenticeship or traineeship?"

"Nope. Just gonna get some job and see how I go. I can climb the corporate ladder. Shit's easy. Plus Aunt Phelps said shed hook me up to some odd jobs if I run outta options. Makin' signs and checking out funerals"

Edd didn't bother enquiring further. He could never imagine not going to Harvard, and nor could his strict parents. After all, they were so confident that Edd will get into Harvard that "Harvard" is one of Edd's middle names. He is, and always will be _the_ model, perfect genius who will win every award his parents instruct him to win EVER. They've groomed him from the very moment his conception was confirmed to become one of the Stuart family's finest prodigies. It's not only his destiny to become a Harvard student, but a foregone conclusion. His parents are Harvard graduates, and his parents' parents are Harvard graduates… it goes way back. The only black goat of the family is Edd's dad's sister, who couldn't get into Harvard and had to settle for some second-rate place called Yale instead. Obviously, she was disowned and it's forbiden to speak of her at any Stuart family gathering.

As he recalled in fear about his aunt's failure in life, soon enough, the two had reached Peach Creek High's cafeteria. It had a red-brown coulored tile floor with white walls. To the far right was the food display and snack bar. The left hand side had many cork pin boards, with various posters pinned onto them with thumbtacks. The rest of the hall-like room was devoted to housing dozen's of wooden table's with matching seat's. Each table could fit about eight or so students. It looked like anybody is free to choose where to sit but certain each table seemed to have a click assigned to them.

"Now that we're here, let me tell you about where to sit while we line up." Eddy suddenly piped up after remaining silent.

"Can you not chose where to sit?"

"Well, yeah, I guess it ain't illegal or anything, but you don't wanna sit in the wrong place or people are gonna think you're a retard. Like, if I wanted the whole world to think I'm a loser, I'd sit with the Imagination Club."

"The 'Imagination Club?'" Double D repeated in confusion. "I have never encountered a school with such a club."

Edy pointed towards a table with five students seated at it. Each one was holding some kind of object with a face painted onto them. The first student Edd had spotted cradled a plastic bucket with a sad face, the second, a large pebble with a shocked face, the third, an iron rod with a happy face, the fourth, an Etch-n-Sketch with a smirk etched onto it and finally, the fifth student had a small plank of balsa wood with a flat expression painted on it. They seemed to be conversing with them and trying to "feed" them they're lunch.

Noticing Edd's puzzled expression, Eddy filled him in. "They think that pile of junk is alive and everything. Imaginary friends, I guess. That's why everyone calls those losers 'The Imagination Club.'"

"I see…"

"Oh look, she's the leader of those weirdos now."

"How can you tell?"

"Apparently, the leader has to have a plank of wood. That chick with wood used to have a tennis ball with a tongue-poking smiley."

"What happened to the previous leader?"

Eddy laughed and lightly slapped Double D across the back. "Jonny was the leader, and he, along with Plank, were on the school bus that blew up. Kaputski!"

"That is not funny, Eddy."

"Alright, alright. Jonny wasn't a bad dude," conceded Eddy, still chuckling. "Alright, a different example."

The stout blue-head then pointed at the table in the middle of the entire cafeteria. There were only three people sitting there. Edd's heart skipped a beat when he realised that a certain somebody was sitting there. It was Kevin Barr, the resident heartthrob of Peach Creek. He had an arm around a gorgeous blonde bombshell, who was wearing a cheerleader outfit emblazoned with the school's colours and logo. Sitting across from them was a trendily-dressed male student (probably a senior) with teal hair. They were laughing, and seemed to be grosly involved with their conversation. Kevin's cronies from earlier in the morning brought their trays and sat on either side of the tealhaired senior all five of them were laughing.

"That table is reserved for only the kewlest seniors of Peach Creek High. Currently, there are only five of them 'cause Rolf died on that school bus. Too bad, he was the only cool dude in that group but hey? That's life."

"Eddy, pardon me, but… Why is not anybody else joining them? Would it not improve their social standing?"

"God, you can't just sit at the Royal Table if you're not friends with King Kevin or Queen Nazz! Kevin will kill ya if Nazz doesn't get to ya first!"

"I see…"

Edd has been to many high schools, but Peach Creek was so stereotypical it hurt. However, the clique divisions in the cafeteria are far more serious and x-treme than anywhere else he had experienced.

"Also, I think you should know about the Fab Three. Used to be the Fab Four, but again, Rolf's not around no more. The Fab Three sit at the Royal Table without fail. That overpriced sweater wearing metrosexual across Kevin and Nazz is Nathan Kedd Goldberg. Don't know where the fuck he came from, but last year he transferred here and was an instant hit with everyone. A rich, confident, somewhat charming, fashionable, goodlooking football jock- no homo- that became chummy with Kevin and Nazz real quick. Nat's sorta the Gretchen Wieners of Peach Creek High."

"Pardon me, but who is Gretchen Wieners?"

Eddy paused in disbelief, but couldn't be bothered explaining. "The point is, Nat knows everyone's business. He has some 'info network' or some shit, so yeah… He knows almost everything about almost everyone. He isn't as talented as Kevin and will always be playing second fiddle to the dude, but hey, at least Nat ain't a complete asshole like Kevin. So out of the Fab Three, he's the most tolerable one."

"I see…"

"So we have Kevin, Nat and then there's Natasha Van Bartonschmeer. Everyone calls her Nazz. Anyway, she's the hottest and most popular chick in Peach Creek High. She's the captain of the varsity cheerleading team. Predictably, she's dating Kevin. Nazz might be the hawtest chick around but she's a total bitch. If your not Kevin or Nat, she'll treat you like crap. Actually, I've even seen Nat- and Rolf, when he was alive- cop Nazz's shit more than once. Plus she's a psycho towards any chick that tries to hook up with Kevin. She even stabed one of the other cheer leaders in the ribs with a butterknife for giving Kevin a Valentine's gift. This is before they were dating. Makes it all the more fucked up."

"My word! She is still allowed to attend here?" said a surprised Edd, expressing complete surprise.

"Well, she told the school board it was selfdefence cause the other cheerleader went for her first, but we all know that's bullshit."

Eddy beckoned Double D to follow him towards the snack bar queue. Along the way, they past the tables of groups Eddy explained as the "Burnouts", then a table of "The Pro-Anas", "The Fashion Club" and finally, "the Royal Table". Kevin instantly noticed Edd.

"Yo, dork. Where the fuck do you think you're going?"

Edd and Eddy stopped in their tracks and turned to face Kevin, Nazz, Nat and the two cronies from before.

"Hey, it's the new kid." Nat waved the plastic salad fork in his right hand towards Eddward. "Yo."

"He-hello," Edd greeted nervously.

"Yeah, he's the nerdy, geeky, dorky new senior," replied Kevin, unwrapping his arm around Nazz and standing up. "Total fucking loser, as you can see."

But the truth is, Kevin's heart was racing at a zillion miles per second. Any faster, and it would explode! Nazz has never made him feel this way before…

"I'll say. I mean, he's like, hanging out with Eddy. Like, what a total lack of self-respect!" Nazz jeered, with everyone else at the table chuckling along.

"Babe, he's just desperate, man. Who would wanna hang out with Eddy Flanders unless they have no one else?" Kevin leered towards Eddy, enjoying Eddy's bubbling anger.

"Kevin, lunch concludes at 1:30. We have no time to be pushed around by you," Double D piped up, gaining the confidence to stand up to Kevin... somehow. "Even as we speak, the snack bar queue grows longer. Thus, our time is being wasted on your juvenile exertions of your social superiority, which is only afforded to you because of your proficiency in athletic activities and bullying ways, not because they are founded on true respect."

"What the fuck did you say, nerd?" Kevin growled, and grabbed Edd's forearm as the latter prepared to walk away. Kevin wasn't angry about Edd talking back to him, or what he said. Everyone misunderstood Kevin. Everyone made presumptions about Kevin. That's nothing new. Even so, nobody else but Edd has ever back-chatted him. He is the King of Peach Creek High, and some random, nobody pauper got lippy with him. In fact, he was more angry about the fact that Edd was about to walk away from him.

"Double D's right! Just fuck off back to your tabel with you're 2 idiot cronies, that metrosexual and your psycho bimbo blow-up doll, you shovel-chinned, living, breathing, one-dimensional jerk jock stereo type!" Eddy added, getting extremely frustrated from his growing hunger. He shoved the palms of both hands into the taller redheaded jocks chest, causing Kevin to recoil backwards, freeing Double D's from his grasp.

" _Seriously, nobody in this entire school but that Eddward dork has ever talked back to me… Ever!"_ Kevin thought to himself, growing more and more fascinated with the unique new transfer student. So much so, that he could ignore that midget Eddy loser shoving him around.

"Kevin, you really think your shit don't stink, do you? No one will give a single fuck about you once you stop playing varsity football! You're not gonna be hear for very long any way, _mark my words_!" Eddy continued his outburst, so frustrated that he went on a verbal tirade… but not for long. "Fuck these guys, Double D. I'm starved and Kevin gives me the shits! C'mon, let's go!"

When Kevin saw Eddy grabbing Edd to hastily yank the latter towards the canteen line, an awful feeling sprouted in his gut, and made its way to his heart. It clenched at it, and drowned the varsity jock in extreme frustration, anger, and… no way… _jealousy_? All Kevin could do was just stand there and fall prey to his dark emotions, not understanding his heart is trying to make changes he didn't want to acknowledge.

A certain teal-haired companion was keeping close tabs on this moment. _"Not even Nazzy talks back to the King like that... Eddward Stuart… You might just be The One for Kevin!"_ Nat then mentally concluded, not daring to breath a word of it around Nazz. After all, a butter knife being lodged between his ribs is such a _lame_ look! Totally not in fashion! Plus it'd ruin his favourite Abercrombie  & Fitch sweater!


	3. Boueux Élevé Ed, Trahison d'un Petit Ed

**A/N:** Hay guys thanks 4 the support so far. I'm really happy witht the positive comments. Things are getting pretty serious now just sayin'.

The usual trigger warnings apply like homphobia & bullying.

**Discalmier:** I don't own EnnE, that belongs to cartoon network. They should'n've have canceled the show.

* * *

Eddward Stuart checked the homescreen of his smartphone. _7:45am_. All is well. Its the morning of his second day at Peach Creek High School. All he needed to do was turn right around the street corner. The fall sky was grey yet again. With his weather mobile app predicting a 90% chance of rain, it seemed like there'd be rain again today, as there were last night. Any pot hole or dent in the streets and roads were filled to the brim with the remenants of last night's downpour.

BROOOOOOOOM!

The obnoxious roar presumably belonging to some kind of vehicle assaulted the young genius' eardrums.

"What was that infernal racquet?!" Edd clamped his hands over his ears, but it wasn't like doing so would unhear the unpleasant noise.

VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Yet again disturbed- though muffled thanks to blocking his ears- by the roar of a vehicular engine, Double D turned around backwards, to see what was the source of all the racket. The answer appeared to be two riders on a Kawasaki Ninja H2 motorcycle, which was polished to perfection. It was even shinier than one of Mother's favourite diamond rings. The cyclist pulled over to the kerb. The passenger on the back appeared to be female and the cyclist seemed male. Once the cyclist secured the motorbike in a stationary position, the two riders flipped up the bottom of their helmets.

"Hey dork," greeted Kevin in an oddly casual tone. It sounded _almost_ friendly.

"Kevvy, it's just past quarter-to. I don't wanna get detention for being late only on the second day of the year!" complained Nazz, who still had her slim arms wrapped around Kevin's chest. Besides her usual bitchy, condescending scowl, she didn't even acknowledge Edd's existence.

"Good morning, Kevin. Good morning, Nazz," politely greeted Eddward, hoping to avoid trouble. Though in truth, he sided with Nazz and wanted to hurry up and finish his trek to school.

Nazz rolled her eyes, but Kevin didn't seem overly concerned. "I fuckin' knew you're a streetwalker, man. What is it with geeks and losers? Haven't you dorks ever heard of cars or bikes, man?" Kevin reved his motorcycle's engine twice; which made it sound like it was an angry animal ready to pounce.

"I do not have a car or motorcycle driver's licence." Edd simply reasoned.

"Fuckin' dweeb. Why don't you hop on in front of me and I'll shorten ya walk to school?" Kevin said in a taunting tone, condescendingly patting the area of the seat that was only millimetres away from his crotch. He actually would very much like for Edd to join him… secretly, of course!

"Is it even legal to have more than two passengers on that lone motorbike?" Edd's heart skipped a beat as he questioned. It started out as a way for him to refuse the ride with Kevin he secretly wanted, but he genuinely pondered about the legality by the end of his sentence.

"Kevvy. It's. Seven. Fifty. One. We're going… _NOW!_ " Nazz demanded, knocking on the top of Kevin's helmet like a door like a wood pecker.

"Aaargh, fuck! Alright, alright! Babe, chill out! We're goin'!" Kevin groaned, and then glanced over to Edd, and snickered sinisterly, enjoying the smart Ed's concerned expression.

"Adios, loser!" Nazz stuck her middle finger up at the prep… Eddward, and flipped her helmet back down to safely cover her face.

Kevin quickly followed suit- yes, including sticking his gloved middle finger at the prep. Once he ensured Nazz was safely positioned on the bike, he made his preparations to ride off. Edd had already resumed walking. Snickering under his breath, Kevin's motorbike roared with energy as he suddenly sped ahead and rode over a large, muddy puddle. Forming an arch that looked much like a wave in the ocean, the translucent brown water splashed all over Edd and his over-the-shoulder schoolbag. Kevin honked his motorcycle horn whilst Nazz twisted backwards to face Edd and yet again, flipped the bird. Their laughter was muffled by their helmets as they rode off around the corner.

"Fantastic." Edd's tone of voice was dripping with as much sarcasm as the rest of his body was dripping with unsanitary muddy water.

With just under 10 minutes to get to homeroom on time, Eddward had no choice but to head to school. There's no way he could go home, get changed AND come back on time.

"Why must Kevin pick on me whenever we cross paths… I do not know how much longer I want such behaviour to continue… Especially, since… I…"

Edd shook his head from side-to-side and made the decision to prioritise having a perfect attendance record. It's only the second day at Peach Creek. He didn't want to build a reputation for being a tardy student. It could affect his academic record and turn him into Auntie Yale University Stuart and that would be a fate worse than the Imagination Club.

* * *

Double D walked through the door to the classroom which housed 1-D. Everyone's eyes were on the 17-year-old genius' dirty and soggy clothes. The majority of the class- including new friend Eddy Flanders- looked confused, but Kevin and Nazz started to chuckle; making no effort to stifle themselves. Edd tried to focus on the one positive aspect of this morning: it's 7:59am, and he made it just before the nick of time. Being late permanently goes on roll call records, and if his parents found out… He didn't want to think about it. Those flights of stairs were very painful to "accidentally tumble down" on, and he'd like to leave it at that.

He took his assigned seat, which happened to be between Nat and Eddy for reasons unknown. Nat put two-and-two together after seeing Kevin and Nazz have a laugh, but Eddy was still bewildered.

"The fuck happened to you, Double D? I thought you'd be real neatfreak and shit!" Eddy couldn't- and didn't try- to hide his puzzlement.

"Nice threads, dork!" Kevin heckled from the back of the classroom, and threw a scrunched-up leaf of notebook paper at Edd's head.

Eddy briefly craned his neck back to see Kevin and Nazz chuckling away, and then turned his attention back on Edd. With a sigh, he said, "So it has something to do with that stupid ginger jock, huh?"

"Good morning to you, Eddy, and yes. Yes it does. Who else would be uncouth enough to intimidate a new student on merely his second day?"

"Man, what's with that fucking asshole? He's only known you for what? Like a day and a bit and he's already singling you out?"

Nat Goldberg suddenly became keen on the two bottoms… of the school's social ladder's conversation. Plus there was that thing at the cafeteria yesterday. His eye was now closely kept on Edd. "Singling you out? Kev usually just picks on anybody at the bottom of the barrel- er, no offence. Well, I guess he didn't pick on anybody from the Imagination Club yesterday… and there was that thing between you and him at the cafeteria, but what else did you do to piss him off so much?"

"I did…" Edd was about to reply with "nothing", but that isn't entirely true. "Well, earlier on in the morning before the altercation at the cafeteria, we bumped into each other- literally, might I add. He was very displeased with that." His back ached when he remembered getting pushed into the side of the glass door.

"And?" Nat tried to coax the sock-hatted Ed for more information. He didn't seem satisfied at present.

"Well… when he demanded an apology, I also requested that Kevin make an apology also, as it was both of our faults."

Nat exhaled deeply. "That would have gone down swimmingly. I love the guy, but Kev's ego has its own zipcode. Backchatting him twice in a day is a recipe for disaster... but still, even for Kev, that's kinda thin reasoning for him to target you so much so soon."

"Wow, because there is _so much_ to love about Kevin so far that _totally_ makes up for his character flaws. Let me put it this way," Eddy then paused, and only continued after he knew he had Nat and Double D's complete attention, "Kevin is a fucking piece of shit."

Double D sighed, cursing himself for thinking Eddy was about to say something profound. "Please, Eddy. Deriding Kevin will get us nowhere! I would like to propose a theory about Kevin, especially in the wake of Nat joining our conversation," he then declared, though he was careful to not be so loud as to attract unwanted attention.

Eddy sighed deeply and rolled his eyes, while Nat furrowed his brows and stroked his chin pensively. "Do go on," the teal-haired jock encouraged.

"There must be a reason or reasons behind Kevin's actions."

Nat paused and did a double-take. _"No way… Even after all that, this dude… Maybe, he could be the one for Kev after all… The only person who can take everything Kev will dish out…"_

" _No way_ , Double D. People do shit for _reasons_? Never would have guessed!" Eddy scoffed sardonically, handwaving in an unconcealed dismissal of his friend's "theory". Edd gave Eddy an unappreciating glower. "Don't give me that look, I know what you meant. 'Something bad must be happening in his life for him to act out', right? Like you're the first person who's ever said that! How's this for kicks? Why can't being an egotistical asshole with an unwarranted sense of self-importance just explain things for once? Everyone's always lookin' for fuckin' depth in every asshole they meet. Shovel Chin's just some bully stereotype as deep as the Peach Creek Aquatic Centre's baby pool. Face it. Some people are just cunts. The only thing that could possibly make Kevin a bigger cunt than he already is… is being a fuckin' fairy like Nat over here!"

Nat glared at Eddy; for insulting his friend and again, being disrespectful. "Edd's right, you heartless, ignorant _midget_. Kevin's kinda… complicated, you know? He's got tough shit going on. People constantly trying to steal his #1 spot, his girlfriend being… well, Nazz being Nazz, his popularity gives him all sorts of social dramas, his captaincies on the sports teams are much sought-after by those who say they're fully with him but are actually ready to take over the millisecond Kev fucks up even a tiny bit, y'know, like "real team mates" are meant to do… and also his-" Nat passionately agreed with Edd, though he regained his composure and held his tongue. Anybody could tell that Nat was about to say something important, and remembered that he couldn't just spew it out willy-nilly. "Er, the point is, I've known Kevin forever, so yeah, he's um, a complicated dude. All of his actions have very, very good reasons, yup!"

"Oh, _I know_! If someone is making my life miserable, the best thing to do is _make others' lives as miserable or worse_! Yup! That's a sound and not-at-all-unhealthy plan to improve my situation!" the heartless Eddy was entirely unsympathetic about Kevin's serious struggles in life. "Plus, what the hell are you on about when you said you've known Shovel Chin forever? You've known him just over a year, tops. Don't tell me you've got some suspiciously convenient explanation for this."

"Quality, not quantity!" Nat insisted, referring to the amount of time he has spent with Kevin being irrelevant. "I'm not after anything Kev has. He knows that, so that's why we're such good pals."

"Of course you are," Eddy grumbled followed by an eyeroll. "You're not after it 'cause you're too much of a piss weak fairy to try. Anyway, Double D, keep talking before this faggy hanger-on of Kevin keeps spewing out more HoYay."

"I'm not gay, I'm-"

"Don't care. You still would fuck guys though, right? G-A-Y! That stands for Go Asphyxiate Yourself. Sicko."

Double D cleared his throat before the conversation could get any more off-point. He didn't approve of Eddy's verbal tirade and subtle homophobia. There was no point in trying to understand an oppressive person like Eddy, who seems to exist just to make others' lives harder. Anyhow, Kevin's reason for pointlessly bullying Edd and making his life harder was the more important topic now. "Um, anyway… As I was saying, I suspect there is a huge explanation for Kevin's actions. Just as Nat had mentioned, and was about to detail."

"I, ah, ha, ha, ha…" Nat chuckled nervously, knowing that the clever Ed had caught on. At least, caught on too soon.

But _wait a minute_. Since Double D was the one who brought up being curious about Kevin's motives… Maybe it's not such a bad thing.

Nat had to get to work. That _spark_ he saw between Kevin and Edd must be the real deal! Or else Edd wouldn't care about Kevin this much so oddly soon. Moreover, his best pal Kevin will miss out on the best thing that will ever happen in his life according to Nat!

"Hey, Edd, why don't you sit with me and Kev on Monday at lunch? We both won't have any sport stuff to do so we'll be free for the whole 40 minutes. Whaddya say?"

Edd was too pleased to correct Nat's bad grammer.

Eddy scoffed and was looking forward to Edd (politely) shotting down the stupid idea. However those hopes were quickly shatered as soon as he saw Edd's espression.

It wasn't an expression that the uncertain would wear. It wasn't the expression that the pressured-to-fitin wore.

The taller of the two Eds was trying to hide it but he was clearly flattered. He was excited. Worst of all…

_He wasn't going to refuse this random Fairy Penguin's suspicious offer._

As an accomplished conartsit himself, Eddy knew a bad deal when he saw one. At least, a deal that would negatively impact himself.

Eddward beliefed that his fortune had 180'd unbeliefably fast.

"You're kidin', Double D? It's only the 2nd day and you're gonna abandon me for those d-bags?" Eddy groaned, foreseeing lunch all alone again come next Monday.

"Oh no, Eddy. It will be just the once. It is a prime opportunity to observe Kevin in his natural habbitat. It should prove valuable."

"Yeah, to you. And for what, exactly? Seriously, what will you get out of psychogising Shovel Chin anyhow?" Eddy continued to protest. He could already see that Double D had potential to be a fairly useful asset for the _absolutely, positively_ _massive_ _and_ _devilishly clever_ scam he's had his mind set on for a while. He didn't want to "lose out" Double D to anybody… _Especially_ not Kevin-fucking-Barr!

"It's _psychologising_ , and I am to obtain muchly, Eddy."

"Yeah, I get that you're deluded into thinking this is gonna go well, but what _exactly_ do ya planning of the getting? Danube the raw details, amigo!"

"He doesn't have an ulterior motive for wanting to be a decent human being, unlike a midget piece of stinky shit like you!" Nat quickly leapt to Edd's aid. Edd is going to end up with Kevin in some shape or form, whether this little homophobic blue-haired runt liked it or not!

"I wasn't talking to you, faggot!"

"Do not call him a faggot, _Edward_. It's disrespectful." Edd jumped to Nat's defence as quickly as the latter had done for him. Nat… he was the one who is there for Edd, not Edward Flanders. Edward was just a meanie.

Eddy was dumb found. Just what the hell had gotten into Double D so suddenly? Where the hell did this all come from?

Then, Eddy had a frightning epiphany.

What if…

Eddy had to do his best to maintain his temper as he watched Nat and Edd exchange cell phone numbers.

" _What if… that fucking nerd lied to me about being straight?! This fucking asshole's gay for that fucking asshole Kevin?!"_ Eddy wore a frown on the outside, but on the inside, he was a raging tempest of pure rage and hatred. His teeth made a horrible noise as they grinded against one another in a pure, unadultered anger. He tightly gripped his chest, which scrunched up his _Fairies = FAG SIN_ motif on his T-shirt.

It was supposed to be a "what if"; a hypothetical, but Eddy knew.

Eddy had watched homos closely. He knew how those subhumans operated. After all, he grew up around Jimmy. Watched Jimmy grow up, watched Jimmy die right before his very eyes… He saw a one of 'em sicko's way of life from practically beginning 'til the very end.

That's why Eddy knew well before Eddward Marion Harvard Stuart himself that the latter was already in the throes of love with the school's #1 man, Kevin Barr.

Oh, those two will pay!


	4. Le Côté Mignon Découvert de Kevin

**A/N:** I've pretty much finished writing this entire story so yeah the ending is decided upon and I wont change it. Ive written up to chapter 8 so far so that's why the chapter's are coming out so quick. Thanks for the continued support. The story is heading towards an interesting direction.

**Trigger warnings:** Bullying, fowl language, Eddy (he's pretty much a walking trigger warning LOL) and Nazz.

**Discailmer:** I don't own Eddy, Edd n Ed..

* * *

The following Monday came quicker than accepted for Eddward Stuart. It was the same fall grey sky and the same 90% chance of rain. The same street leading to the same corner leading to the same old Peach Creek High School.

Yet somehow just by knowing he'll be able to sit at the Royal Table with Nat, Kevin and that aweful Nazz, it all felt very different.

But Edd knew not to drop his guard. He had his trusty umbrela with him, and eyed the main road carefully. It rain yesterday. There were puddles every where. If his understanding of Kevin is strong as he had anticipated, Double D knew what was coming next. Well it did happened every other morning since the first time, so the odds were on the genius' side that he'd be able to predict it.

VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

The roar of that Kawasaki Ninja HR2 suddenly sounded so… benign.

Within moments the helmeted Kevin had pulled over to the side of the road and stabilised himself over a muddy puddle. It appeared that he was ridin' silo this time and there was no sign of Nazz.

"Hey dork!"

Eddward's thumb was hovering over his umbrella's automatic unfolding butten. He was on standby. Eddward Stuart was _born ready_ to defend himself against Kevin Barr's obnoxious and tired might.

"Why the hell ya so early? It's 7:30 now. The dweeb club starts at 8 and ends at 3:30. So excited you couldn't stay put? Ha ha!" Kevin laughed at his own joke.

Edd ignored Kevin's unmature jibe. "Good morning, Kevin. Why are _you_ so early?"

"I-um…" Kevin stamered, caught completely off-guard by Double Dork's totally out-of-field comeback. He couldn't… he couldn't tell that nerd that he… _"Fucking damn it! How does he get to me this way… Fucking dork! Fucking loser! Arrrgh!"_ Kevin's mind was a mess, but he managed to suppress all that with just his usual indifferent scowl. Before Eddward could possibly pick up on what he's really thinking, Kevin made sure his helmet was on proper again- he was going to take off! He scrambled around desperately trying to rev off as quick as he can. Double D just stood and watch Kevin in complete mysterification. "Eat dirt, Double Dweeb!" Kevin rode off as fast as he could.

This was the moment!

Just a split second before Kevin had sped off, the Harvard-student-to-be had unleashed his umbrella into its open glory, and shielded him from the highly unsanitary and _messy, messy, mossy_ muddy water that came his way. In the end it was an umbrella and not a bomb shelter so it wasn't perfect. Some droplets ended up splashing over the edges. However, it was a far, _far_ cry from what had happened on his second morning on the way to Peach Creek High School during the previous week.

His hands shaking in revulsion as he shooked off the excess water on his brolly. While grimacing in disgust at the murky liquid, a black, rectangular object with a dull shine made it into the corner of his eye. Double Dee closed in on this sight, and noticed what appeared to be a black smart phone misplaced towards the edge of the puddle Kevin had used in his attack against Edd.

"I do not recall seeing this before. Kevin must have dropped it."

Edd got a hand towl out of his messenger bag. He folded it once, quivering at the thought of touching that dirtied device. Does Kevin even disinfect the touch screen?! Being careful not to get any of corner of the towel on the puddle (as that would suck up the disgusting water), Edd scoped up the mystery cell phone. He didn't have the correct equipment to disinfect the phone, which was a crying shame, but at the very least, he could wipe off the sandy water with the towel. He press the largest butten, which was the round 1 just below the touch screen. The phone's screen lit up, revealing the time, weather, general location of the nearest phone tower and notifications on the top left-corner.

It appeared that Edd would have to tap in a 4~6 digit code to gain further access, but that wasn't this morally-upstanding do-gooder's goal at all. He noticed that the wall paper of the lockscreen was a much younger-looking Kevin standing in the middle of two adults- on the left, a gentleman who looked very much like Kevin, save for his strawberry blond hair and on the right, a lady with the same flaming red hair as Kevin's. They were obviously his parents, or at the very least, non-parental family that Kevin heavily resembled. They all looked happy and appeared to be posing at the front entrance of what Kevin recognised as his home city's Central Park Zoo in New York.

" _THAT_ Kevin Barr uses a family photo as an wallpaper? My word, that is undeniably adorable." Eddward chuckled to himself.

Well, the not-so-mysterious mystery of whose cell phone this is has been solved. Carefully wiping more of the dirty water off of it, Edd continued his trek to Peach Creek High School.

* * *

It was just past 7:50 by the time Double D arrived at the school building. Though he now knew where all of his classes and the key rooms of the entire school were, he never dropped his habit of cautiously checking each wooden plaque above the top of the doors that labelled the rooms as though it were his very first day at Peach Creek High. _"Classroom 1-A, classroom 1-B, classroom 1-C…"_

Classroom 1-D, where rather fittingly, homeroom 1-D's morning homeroom periods were always took place. Before he went inside, Edd had to put his bag away and collect his gear for the first two lessons of the day: Advanced Mathematics until 9:25 and then Biology from 9:30 until 10:25. Then there was a short recess before the pre-lunch classes began, but Double D plann on using that time to go to library and get started on his first English Literature asessment… which wasn't due in roughly 2 months, but to him, it's better to be ridiculously organised than a 5 minutes late.

"Jesus fuckin' Christ… Dad's gonna kill me…"

Eddward's heart skipped a beat. His heart always knew when a certain red headed jock was around. His locker wasn't far away from Kevin's, so Eddward could still hear what he's saying if Kevin is loud enough, but not close enough to pick up on everything at a quieter tone of voice.

He watched Kevin shake the jacket the jock was wearing when riding his Kawasaki to school. All it achieved was making Kevin look like a matador swishing his cape about. "Fuck! As if I forgot to close the zip pockets!"

It did take a genius of Eddward's level to work out that Kevin had likely lost something, most probably on his ride to school. _"Of course, the cell phone,"_ Double D didn't even need a second to realise what Kevin had lost, given that he's the one who picked it up. Edd carefully examine the contents of his bag, and found the lost phone securely nestled in an isolated compartment. "Good morning, Kevin."

Kevin abruptly stopped his manic shaking of his jacket as the smart Ed approached. "Fuck off, nerd. Can't you see I'm in the middle of something?"

Edd ignored Kevin's rude response to his greeting. "I have something that you lost. It is a cell phone, is it not?"

"Give it to me!"

Wearily, Edd handed over Kevin's lost property. The Peach Creek High #1 jock snatched his precious phone out of Doubld D's hands and inspected his retrieved phone for any damage. When he confirmed that nothing was wrong with it, he breath a sigh of relief. "Phew. I couldn't think of a new excuse for loosing my phone for the third time in 10 months." He then felt a warm feeling in his heart. As if this idiot would give him back the phone- intact, at that- after the way he has been treating him? Kevin suppressed the smile that tried to creep its way across his chiselled features.

"I hate to sound rude, Kevin, but you should be more careful. Losing a cell phone twice in 10 months is abnormally scatterbrained."

"Fuck of."

"You must be more careful, as a lost cell phone could wind up in the wrong hands and cause you much grief."

Kevin glared at Double D. "Shut the fuck up. You don't have the right to lecture me."

"In your opinion, nobody seems to possess this 'right' you speak of."

Kevin gut slightly sunk when Double D bullseyed the jock's thoughts. Not wanting to look uncertain, Kevin figuratively puffed his chest in an effort to look more threatening and sure of himself. "And? I'm Kevin Barr. Who else is captain of four different varsity sports teams, is the most popular guy here, has the hottest girlfriend AND is pals with all the other cool dudes? If you can top that, feel free to lecture me until Rolf's cows come home from the Old Country." Kevin then regretted mentioning Rolf. His childhood friend, Rolf Schäfersohn… The Son of the Shepherd. He's been gone for just over 6 months now. He was strange, yeah, but he was a good friend, an all-around good dude and didn't deserve getting blown up to the point of not being able to recognise him. And here his name slips out, of all places, just when Kevin finally stopped thinking about Rolf's unfair, untimely death. More importantly… How does that fucking nerd get under the King's skin so much?!

"Rolf? I do recall Eddy mentioning him…"

"Who cares!" Kevin interjected, not wanting to open old wounds. "You gave me back the phone like the goody-goody two-shoes you are. Your job is done. Now fuck off!"

Kevin's poor attitude didn't bother Eddward as much as it did in the beginning. Kevin was a complicated guy. Edd didn't want to push anything. If Kevin had to be abusive in order to cope, that's his prerogative.

"Thanks, Eddward…"

Double D could not believe his ears. Did Kevin… just say _thanks_?!

Embarassed, Kevin heaved a huge sigh, wanting to emphasise just how badly this annoying him. "Y-you shoulda been quicker about giving it back, OK?! Don't think I'm thankful or anything… you… you s-stupid idiot nerd!" the redheaded star quarterback of the Peach Creek football team crossed his arms, and turned away from Double D, trying to hide his pinking face. "I mean, yeah, you like… You like, saved my ass and all… so you should have lunch… on… me… I-I meant "onme", as in, _"it's on me"_ , not on top of me so don't get any w-weird ideas 'cause th-there's no way I like you like that…" Kevin's voice was barely audible towards the end of what he had to say.

"Pardon? I could not make out what you said towards the end, Kevin. You were too quite."

"I-I said… I said…" Kevin stammered, still refusing to face Eddward. There was no way his pride would allow a _loser_ like Eddward see how nervous and embarrassed he is making The King!

"Kevin, excuse me, but why don't you turn around? I would be able to hear you better that way," Edd suggested, trying to be helpful.

"N-no way, d-dork!" Kevin turned around to shout at Eddward… and immediately realised his mistake. He quickly turned back around again. At this rate, this was never gonna end, and they'll be late to home room… which would be odd considering there literally under a minute away from 1-D's door. He had no choice. Kevin composed himself, and calmly turned around again. His arms were folded across his chest tightly as though he were trying to tie himself together from collapsing in a heap. He made it a point to not make any eyecontact with Double D. Just looking at those green eyes for a second would destroy his façade. "I said- you deaf dork- that seeing as you were a good little boy for giving me back my phone, it's not totally out of the question for me to get you something at the cafeteria- but only if you don't piss me off from now until lunchtime. Got it, loser?! I could change my mind at any moment so don't push it!"

" _How adorable!"_ the black-hatted teenager put a hand over his mouth to conceal his smile. Even though Edd was set to go to the Royale Table anyway, he felt more privilege than ever. _"His face is red and he's terrible at expressing gratitude. How very innocent and cute."_

"Wow, Kevin. Seriously. How old are you? Like 5 fucking years old? It's not hard to just say "thanks", y'know." Not at all caring about the atmosphere, Eddy cut between them and opened his locker. The metallic door hit Kevin in the face, but it wasn't clear if Eddy intended that or not.

"Good morning, Eddy," Double D greeted brusquely.

"Yo, Double D. Where are you going for rece-"

Eddy was cut off by Edd walking into classroom 1-D. Fine. That's all Eddy needed to know. He gave the dork a final chance after being brushed off by him so many times. But enough is enough.

Ever since their disagreement during Edd's second ever morning homeroom last week, Eddy and Double D's friendship was strained, to say the least.

On the other hand, Kindhearted Edd made all the back-breaking attempts to mend it as best he could- every morning in homeroom, he'd glance at Eddy, say a quick hello to give Eddy a brief window of time to reply and then immediately start chatting away with Nat. Yet Eddy still wouldn't apologise. Nice guy Edd is opening the door to conversation, yet Eddy still won't even apologise. He'd try chatting to Double D as though nothing had ever happened. Then Eddy would get in a huff as soon as Eddward would devote all his attention to Nat when the shorter Ed tried to reply to Eddward's morning greeting!

The nerve! Oppressive, pointlessly mean people like Eddy didn't deserve the enriching experience of Eddward Stuart's loyal friendship anyway.

* * *

The morning lessons were a drag. Double D usually _loves_ all of his classes (well, except for brainless activities like P.E., Drama, etc.), but he just wanted to hurry up and have lunch with the ever increasingly enigmatic Kevin. As he was going through the lunchtime motions of putting his things away in his locker, Peach Creek High's #2 coolest guy showed up.

"Yo sweetie, you still remember right?" Nat asked Edd, though honestly, it wouldn't really be a big deal if Eddward had forgotten.

"Of course I do, Nat. Today is the day that I shall understand Kevin better. He is a complicated individual, and will need the utmost patience in deciphering his many complex layers. It could take many chapters of the long, long book known as "Life.""

"Yup. So whenever Mr. Chiselled Good Looks' being a dick, just ignore it… Like I do!" Nat declared proudly. "Underneath it all Kev's nothing like Eddy. So Kev's still a good guy. Don't forget that!"

"I am sensing that already, Nat. In record time, in fact. It feels almost unatural and out of this world how quickly I have grown to acept Kevin's short comings."

"I'll say. It must be _luuurve_ , sweetheart," Nat cooed, earning a laugh out of Double D. "Hey, you're not denying it!"

"Why should I? To become truly knowledgeable, one must not deny every possibility without adequate proof. At present, I don't have enough proof to categorically deny that I have feelings for Kevin."

"LOL, ya such a nerd, but it's part of your charm, sweet-Edd. I mean, sure, any and every other nerd in this school cops it hard, but you don't deserve it. I mean, you're just so nice, smart, adorkable, caring, understanding… and adorkable! Very adorkable. It's like, you're one defining trait, I'd say. Plus your butt is kinda adorkable too."

"Oh my, thank you very much, Nathan. Shall we head to the cafeteria?"

"Yeah, let's hurry up and try to spend as much time with Kev at the table before that slut-of-a-girlfriend shows up."

And hurry up the two did. As the pair walked towards the cafeteria, nervousness and excitement swirled inside Eddward Marion Harvard Stuart's gut.


	5. Une Rupture et une Nouvelle Mortel Pacte

**A/N:** Hi again all. Just finished writing up chapter 9 so I'm more further ahead then I expected. The usual trigger warnings apply. Thanks for you're continued support.

**Dicsslaimer:** I used to own… a juicer. But then it broke. I then bought another juicer. But then it got broked again. Then it filed for chapter 11 brankruptcy and it cant get a loan anymore.

* * *

Unfortunately, by the time Eddward Stuart and Nathan Goldberg had arrived in the cafeteria, Queen Nazz Van Bartonsneer was already siting right next to her King, Kevin Bar at the Royal Table. The prodigiously beautiful blonde was all smiles until the moment Edd entered her line of site. As through her personality did a 360 from her usual self, Nazz became a different person.

"Um, Natty, you feeling OK?" Nazz put on a mockingly concerned tone, and scoffed at Double D. "You're the Prince of Peach Creek High, remember? What are you like, doing hanging out with that… _lower life form_?"

Sizing up the smart Ed with her brilliant sapphire gemstone orb-like eyes, Nazz enjoyed Edd's discomforted expression. Nazz had puppeting peoples thoughts, emotions and actions down to a fine art. After a few more seconds of this obviously intimidating staring, nay, _glaring_ , that stupid nerd will fuck off and leave her, dear Kevvy and Nat be to sit alone.

"Chill, girl. I'm just saving him from Eddy."

"Uh-huh. Right." Nazz stopped glaring at Edd, and then made a show of checking her nail beds. "You know, Nat. You might like, want to think about why Eddison and Edward are like, friends in the first place. They're both losers. At least y'know, they like, don't belong here at the Royal Table."

"Nazz, it's just one lunch time." Nat was too preocupied to correct Nazz's mistake.

"Oh?" The blonde cheer leader perked up and stopped checking her nails. "Oh… I like, totally get it now. You're like, not interested with being friends with Kevin and me anymore. Is that right?"

"Of course not. I'm still interested in being friends with _Kevin_. He hasn't said anything yet." Nat wanted to be clear that Kevin's friendship was the one with the true value to him.

This wasnt lost on Nazz, however airheaded she is. "Whatever Nat. Kevin, can you like do something about this?"

Kevin put his can of cola down back on the red lunch tray. "Nazz, _I_ said it's OK. I owe the dork."

Nazz's eyes widened to the size of diner plates. She had expected her belloved trophy- um- boyfriend to defend they're regal table's honor. "O-M-Geee, Kevvy. First Nat, then like, you? Am I missing something?"

Edd looked to Nat in confusion, but Nat didn't seem to understand exactly what's going on too. Whatever. If Kevin isn't against it, that's a good thing. "You heard our beloved King, Nazz."

Nazz folded her arms, rolled her eyes and let out a grunt of frustration. Then suddenly, a snide smile swept across her perfect face. "Right, fine. If it's what you want, Kevvy."

"Sit down next to me, adorkable!" Nat beamed and motioned Eddward to sit on the side of the table, opposite Nazz and Kevin. Edd meekly sat next to Nat, careful to not make any eye contact with Nazz.

"So, Eddison," Nazz began, starting off on a great foot by not even getting Double D's name right.

"I-um, it's… It's Eddward, with two Ds, Natasha."

"Oh like, sorry _Eddison_. You can just call me Nazz. Seriously, get people's names right. Natasha is like, kinda stuffy anyways."

It was now obvious that Nazz was purposely getting Edd's name incorrect. Kevin handed over what he bought for Double D as part of his promise. "It's a bowl of red pesto pasta and there's the apple juice. If you don't want it, just chuck it out."

Edd was overwhelmed with joy. "Not at all, Kevin. You have selected a fine lunch. Thank you very much."

Nat smiled, clasping his hands together and giving Kevin a wink. Kevin rolled his eyes and smiled a tiny bit at Nat's gesture and Nazz looked confused.

"Huh. You could have like, just given the loser his lunch and sent him off his way. I can already feel… Like, the weirded out stares of everyone else. Even from the freaks at like, the Imagination Club table." Sensing Kevin's dissatisfaction, she dropped the subject. "So _Eddison_ , why'd you like, come to Peach Creek? I thought rich geeks like you go to like, private school?"

Trying to ignore Nazz's disparaging comments, Eddward sought to answer her question. "My father owns an architecture firm, and his current job requires him to be in Peach Creek. He will be overseeing the development of all the real estate in the free land adjacent to the southern borders of Lemon Brook."

"Uh-huh, that's like, super convenient for this all," Nazz responded, not really interested. "Really, it like, sounds totally contrived and stuff. What about like, your mom? What's she like, do?"

"My mother is an attorney. She works at the Trump & Gates law firm."

"Hm. Rich, high-achieving parents. Bet they like, make you do all the hard stuff at school. They're like, hardly ever home and barely pay any attention to you, even when you like, get good grades and stuff, right? Let me guess? They want you to like, get into an Ivy League college or you're worthless? So you like, get the perfect grades and you're like, a total perfectionist and all that? Valedictorian every year, right? If Mommy and Daddy yell at you to jump, you'd be all like, "exactly how high, Mother? Father?", huh?" Nazz stared directly into Edd's eyes as she analysed his life situation. When she saw just how much effort he made to not have to speak back to her or look at her, she smirked in smug self-satisfaction. "You're like, so predictable and flat. Is there like, anything interesting about you? You seemed to get Nat to like, give a damn about you in so quick! But enough about your lack of like, idiosyncrasies and all that jazz. Do you have a girlfriend? I mean, you're like, a smart good boy right? So girls should like, totally be interested in an unfulfilling relationship lacking in thrills while they cheat on you behind your skinny back as you do their homework for them."

Eddward had predicted that Nazz would be entirely unpleasant, but he could not have predicted just how nasty she really is.

"Shut the fuck up, Nazz. You're getting on my last few nerves," Kevin piped up, with his arms folded. He couldn't stand watching that dork getting picked on any longer. Kevin suddenly and almost out of the blue realised that bullying… _is wrong_.

"Kevvy, I was just poking _fun_. He's not offended. Right, _Eddward_?"

Nazz's hard stare silenced any ideas of defending his own honour. "Not at all, Nazz. You were correct about many things…" Edd then added sadly, looking off into the distance.

"See? No problem!" Nazz grinned and did a thumbs up. It was obvious that Edd was coerced, but Nazz was perfectly OK with pretending Edd agreed. "It's like with Nat. He never like, cries like a baby whenever I call him a perverted, pointless and boring addition to our group with a stupid Sue hair colour when everyone on our table all have like, natural colours. He's like, practically a clone of you, Kevvy, except richer! Do we seriously need another football jock? The position of like, star jock of Peach Creek High has been taken. So Nat, you should like, try and be original and stop relying on people's expectations of you just to be cool and all. It's kinda sad."

Even Nat started to feel as down as Double D. The difference is that Nat was insulted in this manner by Nazz almost every day since he joined their group. However, for some strange, inexplicable, illogical reason, Nazz made the poor choice of doing so right in front of Kevin even after Kevin made it clear his patience was growing thin. She was either dumb or some kind of external force has taken over her rational thinking… the moment she realised that Kev wasn't on her side.

"Nazz, I've had enough of you, dude. I've been having enough of you for a long time now." Kevin was already mad about Nazz dissing Edd, but now Nat?! He couldn't let that slide. He would never relentlessly intimidate anybody like the way she did.

" _How convenient! Yeah, sure you have. I bet you started thinking that when that Eddward Stuart started here!"_ Nazz thought to herself. Nazz didn't like the direction Kevin's tone was taking the conversation. It sounded different from the usual dissatisfied tone. It didn't matter, though. It's not like Kevin would ever dump her. She's the coolest girl, he's the coolest guy. They make each other even cooler by being together. He wouldn't relinquish that. Nazz knew Kevin's ego was bigger than the football oval outside.

"Nazz… It's over."

" _WHAT?!"_ Nazz growled in her mind, doing her best to not let her dissatisfaction show. What she was sure about just a few seconds ago _to not happen_ was about to happen. "Ke-Kevvy, that's a bad idea."

"It's not. I'm tired of watching you bully people. You woke me up all of the sudden. It ain't right."

Nazz slammed her hands on the table. The loudness of the slam pretty much got every single person in the cafeteria's attention. "IT'S NOT BULLYING, KEVIN! IT'S CALLED CONTROL! IT'S CALLED DISCIPLINE! WE'RE LIKE, KEEPING THE COMPETITION, THE WANABES AND THE FUCKING LOSERS IN LINE, OK? GOT IT?"

"It's gone too far, especially this time, babe. **We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together**." Kevin was resolute this time. Their relationship was turbolent, but Nazz has crossed the one line she must never cross, which is…

Nazz has never felt so much rage. Her ticket to staying at the top of the social heirarchy, her ticket to getting the best table in the cafeteria… her _trophy_ had the nerve to back chat her like this?! She then saw the butter knife on Nat's lunch tray. Then, an indescribablely demented smirk formed on the cheer captain's spottless countenance.

Yes… it will _just like that time_ with that slut who tried to take her trophy away from her on Valentine's Day. After she makes a few arrangements with a _certain somebody_ , she'll get away from it scot-free. Again.

The only person in this school who gets to be queen is _Natasha. Van. Bartonschmeer_!

Nazz snatched the butterknife at lightening speed.

"Damn it to hell… Why did I want to eat butered whole meal bread rolls today, of all days? How should I have known Nazz can't be trusted around knives?!" Nat cursed his own misfortune- one that he had no way of predicting.

"One more chance, Kevin. YOU'RE STAYING _**MY**_ KING, OR ELSE!" Nazz shouted, dangerously brandishing the silver knife around herself. Eddward, Nat and Kevin did not hesitate to back of as fast as possible. Kevin subconsciously grabbed Eddward's hand. Nat saw this and smiled, but when met with Nazz's glare, quickly returned to his terrified expression.

Eddy watched everything unfold from the back of the left-hand corner table, where he was having lunch alone again- just like the old times before Double D transfered. He ran his fingers though his thin blue hair in frustration. The comotion was distracting him from writing up his step-by-step breakdown of his _super duper ultimate scam_ that he has been planning! Now that him and Double D are practically history (friendship wise), he needed a new companion. "Could you shut the fuck up?! Some people are trying to eat in peace!"

"SHUT UP, LOSER!"

"You're the only loud one here, you _ex_ -Kevin's blow-up doll! Whatcha gonna do? _Stab me_? Bring it on, ho! I'll poke the air outta ya plastic ass!" Eddy snarled. He quickly drew Nazz's attention and made her come to his table. She was still brandishing the butterknife, full of intent to stab the young Flanders.

The three saw Nazz's furious bee line towards the reckless Eddy. Stunned and bewildered didn't even begin to describe how the boys felt. Nat sat back down at the table and exhaled in relief. "Phew. Dunno what Eddy's deal is, but thanks to him the Nazz obstacle kinda resolved itself quickly."

"Anti-climactic, I must say," Double D added in astonishment, having expected a lot of drama ahead. "It very much reminds me of an English class I had when I was still a freshman. That day, we learned about narrative devices. This very moment reminds me of a deus ex machina, gentleman."

"Oh yeah, I remember learning about them when I had to read the _Adventures of Huckleberry Finn_. Hemmingway even said he was "cheating" with the ending an all," Nat recalled that shit-boring book project back in his sophomore years.

"Dudes, don't forget the big one in Homer's _Illiad_ , when that Aphrodite chick came around and saved that Paris dude's sorry ass. Anyway, anticlimatic is good. The "climax" here would have been one, both or all of us getting knifed in the fuckin' ribs like roast dork."

"Brilliant pun, Kevin," complimented Edd. "Also, I must confess, both of your respective displays of literature knowledge are very unbecoming of your jock stereotype. I mean this in good faith, to be sure."

"Why thank you, Double Dork," Kevin accepted the compliment rather uncharacteristically, seeing as the whole "Nazz going Norman Bates Psycho" thing surprised him out of his usual self. "How are me and Nat gettin' into an Ivy League college sports team if our grades suck too much ass?"

"Speaking of 'ass', I definitely won't settle for less than an Ivy League one in the future. I'm Nat-mother-fucking-Goldberg! I deserve the hottest dates on campus."

"And there you two go, demolishing your respective intellectual moments," Edd expressed his disapointment, and eventually sat back down at the tabel along with Kevin. "Hm. It seems that my red pesto pasta has gone cold."

Oh well. It was going to be the best red pesto pasta ever, seeing as Kevin bought it for him.

Kevin couldn't believe it… He's finally having lunch alongside Double Dork…

* * *

Meanwhile, Eddy had managed to pacify a crazed Nazz. All he had to do was suggest that she be a part of his upcoming scam, which heavily revolved around revenge. Given her previous experiences with Eddy's scams…

…There was no way she'd let such a good opportunity slip by.

Forgeting about how much of a loser Eddy was, Nazz sat next to him and read his step-by-step process of how Eddy planned on executing the big scam. "Wow, that's actually kinda harsh... _I like it_!"

"Whaddya say, O Fallen Princess?" Eddy grinned as he extended his hand, brimmming with confidence that this is an offer she won't refuse.

"I'm totally in on it. You're still a loser, though," Nazz was satisfied with the big scam and shook Eddy's hand as a sign of good will. "How dare that dumb jock breaks up with me to be with Double Loser!"

"They're official now?" blurted Eddy, surprised things advanced so soon.

Nazz then paused in thought, confused about it herself. "Like, I don't think so. You're the one who just told me a few secs ago that their gay!"

"Irregardless," Eddy interjected, before Nazz could ramble on and go crazy again, "we know there gay, they're obviously gonna get together, and they have to pay for it."

"Um, 'we?'" said Nazz incredulously. "Look, loser, I don't care if they're gay or not. I just wanna get back at Kevin for dumping me and Double Retard for causing the break-up. Oh, and Nat for being Nat. Hate the guy so he's going down, to."

"Yeah, yeah. You go ruin Nat's life if ya want, I don't give a damn what you do to him. BUT, you have to promise that your end of the deal will have to wait until Kevin's phase is done. Got it?"

"That's cool," agreed Nazz, though she wish she didn't have to wait… but the pay off will be sweet enough for the wait to be worth it. "Still, I can't beleive we'll get away with some thing like this _again_."

"You better believe it. That dike cheerleader deserved it anyhow, trying to get Kevin to be her beard and all." Eddy tried to stifle a chuckle. "Anyway, I've pulled off two _massive_ scams in the last year. This one's gonna go off without a hitch. 'Cause you know what they say about the third time."

Nazz once again, paused in thought. OK, she knew of that lezbo cheer leader that went after Kevin. Then there'll be this wicked-in-more-ways-than-one scam. However, Nazz couldn't recall a third one. Just what was Eddy talking about? She decided it didn't matter, as a sly, parasitic loser like Eddy probably scams people as often as he blinks. Not that she cares about that, either. Eddy's usful to her cause and she's fine to leave it at that. She could always ditch him as soon as any thing goes wrong, any way.

As much as they genuinely loathd each others' pathetic existances and motive, the biggest loser of Peach Creek and the kewlest girl made a frightningly good team. Despite they're total differences in social standing, it was odd how often their goals alined with one another.

There was a _big_ scam coming!


	6. Je t'aime… Calme Avant la Tempête.

**A/N:** Hello for the 6th time readers! We've officially crossed the halfway line. Thanks for reading!

**Disklaimer:** The juicer ended up on the streets but found a few dollars to spend on a lottery ticket. Like most people who gamble, the juicer lost miserably wasting valuable coinage on odds they have minimal chance of overcoming. Then it realised it had a few parts of itself it could sell for a lot of money on the black market…

* * *

About 2 weeks has passed ever since the crazyiest lunch time Eddward Stuart has ever experienced… in just about 14 days, the genius Ed's school life had changed so much that it was like all of existance has flipped upside down.

There was never a moment in any school day during his 16 years on this earth in which Double D had friends.. until now. More over, his 2 best friends were the #1 and #2 most popular guys; Kevin and Nat, respectively. Things in the story of Edd's life were working out swimmingly and swiftly, and honestly, without much effort on his part. Most things came coincidentally, every thing worked out without so much as his lifting his finger… Almost as if a higher power were watching over him.

Eddy Flanders had ceased all communicating with Edd ever since that crazy time in the cafeteria and returned to his loner status- just as he deserved. Though interestingly the shorter Ed had been spotted chating to Nazz every few days or so. They appear to want to be alone, since they don't dine together in the cafeteria but rather, they just buy their lunch and head off elsewhere. Some say they go to an empty classroom, others say they sneak off outside of school ground. Whatever the truth is, it's all very clandestine.

Speaking of Nazz, ever since the day she went crazy with Nat's butterknife after Kevin had officially broken up with her, she haven't spoken to Edd, Nat or even Kevin once. Not even a hello, or to insult them as she walked between classes. Instead her previous permanant espression of disaproval with 95% of the school populace had been replaced with a smug smile- especially whenever she encountered Double D. It was uncomfortable, yes, but nothing as bad as her treatment towards him previously. Eddward felt as though she were built up to be a massive obstacle in his life, yet this particular hurdle collapsed on its own instead of demanding to be jumped over. Perhaps evil does itself in in the end.

It was a saturday evenning, and Eddward had just finished watching Kevin play against Lemon Brock's rugby team. Though the power of friendly cheer, the Peach Creek Cobblers were victorious. Nat rushed off home before Edd could even say goodbye. He was now waiting outside the boy's changerooms for Kevin.

Things were finally looking up for Eddward Stuart. Well, if the young intellectual had only just one complaint about something that didn't have to do with his somewhat lonesome home life…

"Hey Double Dork, I'm done."

…It was probably his lack of progression in regards to Kevin. OK, yeah, they became friends. But Edd still didn't know what Kevin's huge secret is.

"I got some important shit to tell ya. Y'know, if that's cool with you?"

"Of course, Kevin," Double D smiled his endearing gap-toothed grin. "Then we should head to my abode. Mother and Father are not home. We shall be afforded the utmost privacy."

"Sounds good to me, dude," Kevin agreed as he finished making preparations to leave. Through everything was going according to plan so far, Kevin's heart still beated hard within his chest like a dangerous animal trying to bust out of its cage. Ready to talk about his real feels and his devastating problems… Putting on his riding jacket, he patted his pocket for his phone. "Huh? Not again, man… Where's my fuckin' phone?"

"Kevin? Did you lose your cell phone yet again?" Edd chuckled as he saw the concerned expression of Kevin he had seen just a couple of weeks before. "Are you certain it is not in your bag? I do recall you checking your phone and putting it back in your gym bag during half time."

Kevin closed his eyes and tried to remember. Yes. Double D was right, as always. His phone must be somewhere in his gymbag. After having so intricatly pack up his gear, he didn't want to have to sift through it all. If he needed to know the time, he'd just ask Double Dork.

* * *

It didn't take too long to arrive to Edd's house, thanks to Kevin's motorbike. The interior of Edd's room was just like Kevin had expected- neat, orderly, clean, filled with books and very NerdLoserGeeky. There were shelves filled with scientific mumbo jumbo equipment Kevin was only vaguely familiar with. My God, the dork even had one of those super-uncomfortable ergonomic chairs that are supposed to be good for your posture but shit for relaxation! The room maintained a fresh and inoffensive scent of being cleaned no longer than a day ago. In Kevin's opinion, he would have mistaken it for a study instead of a 17-year-old boy's room if it weren't for the bed in the back lefthand corner. No posters, no magazines, no photos of friends…

Double D noticed Kevin microscopically inspecting his room. It didn't really bother the smart Ed as long as Kevin didn't touch anything without his permision.

"Your room… is just like I thought it would be," Kevin finally vocalised his impressions. "This is a study, dude. This ain't a bed room."

"Well, Kevin, I prefer things to be neat and orderly."

"Yeah, I get that, but what about like… posters, or DVD shelves or junk food and stuff? Where's your porn? Every dude has porn in their room some where."

"I have plenty stacked in an orderly fashion under my bed. Perhaps you'd like to peruse them with me? I would very much like to direct you to my personal favourites."

"Woah, you are a normal guy after all!" Kevin couldn't hide his surprise. Then he couldn't help but wander what sorta kinks Double Dork is into…

Edd then gently placed a hand over his own mouth and giggled. "I jest, Kevin. I have little interest in reading material that is not only more pictorial than literal, but the minimal literal content is completely unstimulating to the mind."

"Do you read old-timey erotic novels or some shit to get off?"

"Not at all. "Old-timey" or otherwise, the complete lack of intellectual insight in those works renders them pointless to read."

"You're super re-pressed, dude. Do you even masturbate?"

"O-of course not! Mother and Father explicitly state that I must not touch myself." Edd stammered as he denied, turning reddy. "A-anyway, that is not what we are here for. Did you not want to relay some important things to me?"

Thankfully for Eddward, it appeared that Kevin didn't want to pursue those awkward topics any longer. "Yeah, you're right. It's kinda a big deal. It's real terrible." Kevin's voice was losing energy quite fast.

Not wanting to put any pressure on Kevin, Double D remained silent, and waited for Kevin to continue.

"About a coupla years back, my parents divorced. They kinda agreed on it peacefully, so I never saw any fightin'. Dad was gonna take me to New York, but since everything and everyone I love is here, he left to New York on his own. I only get to see him once a week now. Plus Mom has to work extra hours to make up for lowered income and all. So I see her every day, but about two hours less than before. My family was perfect, ya know?"

Eddward couldn't believe his ears. That was absolutely tragic. Sure, Edd was lucky to see his parents longer than a couple of hours each week, but poor Kevin… Only seeing his Dad once a week? Seeing his Mom two hours less each day? That must be a nightmare… No wonder Kevin was acting out. He had nobody else in his life- other than Nazz, Nat, his sports team mates and other friends at school- to keep him from becoming completely alone.

"Plus there is like one dude in my sports team who's after my varsity hockey captaincy… I mean, I have only three other captaincies, plus I don't even plan on playing hockey at college, but still… He doesn't have the right to try and compete with me for it, man. It sucks. I'm Kevin Barr, #1 bar none, and nobody is allowed to be better then me in any sport I play."

It was so unfair. _So unfair_. Why does Kevin's life had to be so difficult? Double D had to hold back his tears so as to not make it too awkward for poor Kevin.

"You're life may be hard, Kevin, but I am here for you," Double D insisted, desperately wanting to reach out to his crush and best friend to make the pain go away. It was natural for him to grab one of Kevin's hands with two of his own smaller ones. "You may be all alone, but I will always be around. I promise you, Kevin Barr."

The warmth of Edd's hands was like a balm to soothe his aching, tortured soul. Plus Edd's hand felt so… _right_ , even though the star jock never, ever felt anything like this for any male ever previously. Kevin placed his free hand on top of Edd's two hands, and continued to savour the warmth.

"Oh, I got like one more thing to say," Kevin added, as though he had just remembered something mundane, like needing to buy his mom a loaf of bred.

"Please do, Kevin."

"I… I…" This wasn't how Kevin rehearsed revealing his feelings. Double's D undivided, attentive gaze of expectation was throwing the jock off. Letting go of Edd's hands, Kevin lunged forward and tightly embraced Edd. "I love you, Eddward. And I don't mean it in a pal sort of way, in case you suddenly go retard and can't figure it out."

"Kevin…" Double D was moved to tears, but this time, not because of tragedy, but because of pure happyness.

Kevin hugged tighter feeling more confident since he didn't have to make eye contact with Edd. "Ever since I first saw you… I couldn't stop thinking about you. I didn't really get it. But now that we've hung out for two weeks… I know exactly how I feel. I love you."

"Me too, Kevin."

"Choice..." Kevin now had to hold back his tears. For about 2 years of his life, he was totally alone and had his world sort-of-but-not-really turned upside down. But now he has Edd, every thing was going to be OK. No… everything is already _perfect_.

"I love you as well, Kevin. We shall get through your woes together."

"Cool."

For the first time in his life, Edd kissed someone on the lips.

For the first time in his life, Kevin received a real kiss.

* * *

"Ugh! I think I'm gonna hurl. My stomach is churning, man! Fuck, that's gross! Even snails fucking each other is better then this! Yuck!" Eddy couldn't help but blurt out, though he was still careful enough to maintain a whispered tone and put his two hands over his big mouth.

"Chillax, loser. It's just a kiss. Still, I can't believe how quickly they like, got to work!" Nazz snickered at Eddy expense, knowing full well that Edd and Kevin's kiss made him so sick that he probably genuinely felt like vomiting. Nazz was careful to maintain a steady grip on Eddy's new digital camera and snapped away. She was also mindful to disable sound effects so as to not draw Edd and Kevin's attention. "Sure worked in our favour that the blinds and curtains were like, totally up and drawn and all."

The two were nestle within the leaf branches of a tall tree near the window of Edd's second-story window. Luckily, it had an excellent vantage point. Almost everything in Edd's room was completely visible.

"Yeah, right…" Eddy agreed weakly, finally being able to compose himself and supress this urge to throw up. He didn't want to get his favourite shirt- his _FRED P. IS MY HOMIE_ one- tarnished by vomit. Plus Nazz would surely bitch if he got sick. "Sounds like you know what you're doing with that thing. I just took Dad's camera. I've never used it before so I have no idea if it'd be good enough."

"Well, if you like, really wanna know," Nazz began, still keeping a careful eye on the smart Ed and the jock, "This Panasonic Lumix DMC-FZ70 is like, a pretty good choice for its price range and what we needed. It has a 60x optical zoom with like, 35mm with equivalent focal lengths of about 20~1,200mm or somethin'. Plus it has that Panasonic Optical Image Stabilization thingy which like, reduces camera shake and has motion compensation or whatever."

"Oh right, just as I planned," Eddy responded sarcastically, not really knowing how else to respond. "So it'd be fine, right?"

"Yeah, totes. I still took like, heaps of photos. Oh shit, it looks like Kevin's leaving! We better like, get the fuck outta here!"

"Yup, let's fuck off! Good work, bimbo. The preparations for the _massive_ scam is goin' great."

The pair of no-gooders climbed down the tree quickly, but carefully so as to not fall and cause a scene or worse, damage the camera and the evidence of Kevin and Edd's gayness. After they scuttled of down the opposite direction they knew Kevin would travel to go home they stopped running and inspected their photo haul.

"Aren't you like, curious about why I know so much about cameras?" Nazz enquired.

"Uh, not really. Maybe you just wanted to find the best one for ya selfies."

"Wow, that's like, totally right. Thanks to like, my opportunely expert knowledge in photography, my selfies are the hottest ones at Peach Creek High. All those other amateurs are like, over reliant on filters and shit. My selfies are art, unlike those fat hos."

"Errr, anyway," Eddy began, taking the camera back from Nazz. "You go finish off your end of the deal, and I'll start setting up the Kevin Phase of the scam. We're pretty much ready to launch. Meet me at the back of the school sports shed on tomorrow night, just like we discussed. Capisce?"

"Roger!" Nazz replied with a sly smile. Tomorrow night- Sunday night- felt like _2 centuries_. She just couldn't wait for Kevin and Edd to get their just delicious desserts.

"Oh yeah, how long will ya need to get into Kevin's phone?" Eddy piped up, nearly forgetting to ask. "Can't believe how easy it was to steel from him in the middle of a crowded foot ball match."

"10 seconds," Nazz stated confidently, enjoying Eddy's begrudging amazement. "I know all of Kevin's passwords. Like, every single one. That's how made sure he wasn't like, cheating on me, you know?"

"Uh, nice…"

"Whatevs, I just want tomorrow night to hurry up! It's gonna be so awesome, like!" Nazz exclaimed as she practically skipped back towards her house.

Well, she's not wrong. Eddy agreed.

Sunday night was going to be a blast.


	7. Dimanche, Sanglante Tragique Dimanche.

**A/N:** As always, thanks for reading everyone. Like mentioned last chapter we've crossed the halfway line so things are getting pretty serious from here on out.

**Triggers:** Bullying, homophobia, violence

**Disc1aimer:** The juicer thought about its life, and how it had gone totally downhill. Instead of trying to make a profit just for itself, it decided to give all proceeds of its black market component selling to its long-suffering family. The pro fit should clear out the juicer's gambling debts and maybe give a little extra for its estranged family. It was the least it could do after derailing the lives of everyone precious to it all because of an addiction to blackjack… It's a fun game so you guys should totally play it and bet fast and large cos thats how you win big and never walk away from the table when the dealer beets you or you look like a pussy. But yeah, gamble responsibly.

* * *

The next evning- Sunday evening- had arrived. Eddy and Nazz were hiding in the shadows of the bleaches at Peach Creek High School's football oval.

"Here are our disguises. Now nobody will recognise us!" Eddy announced, his voice warped by a voice alteration device.

Eddy pulled out 2 sets of lite grey robes from his duffle bag of "scam supplies".

He tossed a set to Nazz, who quickly put on the robe. "Eddy, what the fuck?!" Nazz's voice was too, warped by a voice alteration device. She had finished putting on the robe portion, but was looking at the hooded part incredulously. It was conikal in shape, like an up side down icecream cone and had 2 holes in order for it's wearer to be able to see through it. The robe's chest area had an emblem of a red circle with a white cross in the middle of it. In the middle of the cross was what appeared to be a red ball of fire. "These robes are ugly! Though I think I've seen them somewhere…"

Eddy was already dressed head-to-toe in the robes by the time Nazz began protesting. "It was the only thing I could find that covered most of our body! Also, it's my dad's. They were supposed to be white but Mom accidentally mixed his robes in with the blacks so it became grey! He won't know these are gone 'cause he's only allowed to wear the white ones to the meetings. Besides, grey is a better colour to blend in with then white so shut ya yap and wear the fuckin' robe and hood!"

Without any better options, Nazz begrudgingly wore the conical hood. "I don't even know why we have to like, wear these super annoying voice thingies when Kevin won't be able to see us!"

"You idiot. He'd recognise our voices!" Eddy grunted. "Plus if by chance the scam fails nobody will be able to recognise us."

It was soon, very soon.

Sweet, sweet revenge for Nazz and fag-busting for Eddy.

* * *

Kevin checked every where in his bag the previous night after getting back home from Double Dee's place but couldn't find his phone. He figured he must have dropped it in the changing room or near the bleachers along the football oval...

…And that's exactly what Eddy and Nazz had calculated. They knew Kevin would eventually check one of the two places for his phone. He would certainly check the change rooms first, as they will get locked up after the Sunday junior varsity rugby players will go home. He will inevitably realise that it won't be in the change rooms, and will check the bleachers of the oval. Kevin would have to wait until the game is over to be able give the area a thorough combing over. It was a wild goose chase that was perfectly aligned with Eddy and Nazz's plan. They were lucky Kevin was too stubborn to give up, though. After all… no plan is perfect, and luck can play a big role in a success. Perhaps Eddy wasn't too off about his "third time lucky" theory…

"He's coming any minute now," Eddy snickered.

"How lucky… not a single like, person is on the field. All he has to do is come around here, and we've got him!" said Nazz gleefuly.

In the distance, the 2 spotted Kevin walking towards the bleachers they were planing to ambush him around. When Kevin was getting very close, Eddy walked out from the shadows. He gave Nazz a visual cue so as to not be overheard by Kevin. She nodded in understanding and took a brown bottle and a handkerchief out of Eddy's scam supplies duffle bag and scuttled off in a different hiding spot.

"Looking for something?" Eddy tossed Kevin's phone up and down in 1 hand as he approached the jock.

"You stole it, huh?" Kevin sighed in annoyance and mentally prepared himself to beat up the hooded and robed figure, not knowing it was a familiar foe, Eddy.

Eddy kept a close eye on Nazz, who had walked around the bleachers so that she could creep up on Kevin from behind him. She tipped copeious amounts of the contents of the bottle onto the handkerchief and wore a devilish grin; ecstatic that the scam was going perfectly. It was Eddy's job to be sure Kevin's undivided attention was always maintained forwards.

"Gee, I have no clue what you're talking about. Maybe you just lost it, and I'm just a good Samaritan," Eddy taunted, still keeping an eye on the stealthily closing in Nazz.

" _Good Samaritan_?" Kevin scoffed very dismissively. "Good Samaritans don't fuckin' wander around head-to-toe in KKK outfits, dude!"

"Don't be so judgemental! First impressions are rarely right, ya know?"

"Hang on… why are your robes grey? I thought the KKK wore _white_ robes?"

"'Cause of the ol' mixing-whites-with-blacks thing. That's why you should never mix colours with whites, kiddo!" Eddy laughed at his totally politically incorrect joke.

"You fuckin' idiot. That ain't even your joke anyway. I already saw some choice comedy show use that joke, KK- _dork_. Just give my phone back or else!"

Frustrated by being caught out, Eddy set to end his idle chitchat with Kevin when Nazz was dangerously close to pouncing. "Enough! That's the least of your worries."

Before Kevin could even reply, Nazz had lunged onto Kevin from behind. She locked one arm around his neck to keep his head still. With her free hand holding the handkerchief, Nazz smothered it over Kevin's nose and mouth, pressing down as though she were trying to suppress something. As there was a difference in physical size and strength, Eddy quickly jumped to Nazz's aid and clung onto Kevin's arms to prevent him from escaping or fighting back.

A sickly sweet scent assaulted the redheaded jock's nostrils, and whatever was placed over his nose and mouth had a frosty cool sensation. Within seconds, he felt his limbs go numb. No longer being able to stand, he collapsed onto the ground like a puppet getting it's strings snipped off. Within another few seconds, his vision started to warp and the sounds of his futile struggle sounded like they were getting more and more distant… Kevin had then fell unconscious.

"Quick, Eddy! The cuffs!" Nazz shouted, still keeping the handkerchief soaked with the suspect substance firmly pressed over Kevin's face and nose like she was trying to smother him.

"I know, I know!" Eddy responded, the adrenaline rushing through his body as he scrambled to lock Kevin's wrists and ankles in cuffs. "Done! You can back off now."

Nazz let go of her grip of the chloroform hanky and left it placed over Kevin's lower face. "How long do we have until he like, gets back up?"

"No idea, but if that chloroform is over his face, not in a while. You change him into the girls' clothes," Eddy instructed Nazz.

She nodded, and took a white dress with red polka dots, red high heels, a matching pair of pink, lacy bra-and-panties, two red hair ribbons and a makeup bag out of the scam supplies. Nazz quickly started to take off Kevin's current clothes, removing and reattaching the cuffs as needed, but always making sure at least one pair is on to prevent him escaping if he wakes up. Eddy's job was to scan the immediate area around Kevin for anything incriminating that may have fallen out during the struggle. He recovered the brown bottle which had the chloroform in it, and returned it to the scam supplies bag.

"How's it going Nazz?" Eddy checked in on his accomplice.

"Its like, fine, dude. He hasn't moved a single muscle."

"Cool. He's gonna fucking freak out when he wakes up!" Eddy nearly laughed outloud, but managed to compose himself.

Once he was satisfied that nothing incriminating was around, he took over changing Kevin's clothes whilst Nazz got to work on Kevin's make up.

About 10 minutes later, in the distance across the oval, Eddy spotted that all the school buildings lights had gone out. Eddy had just finished putting on the high heels on Kevin's feet. Nazz was making her finishing touches on Kevin's make-up.

"Shit, Nazz, we gotta hurry up! The grounds keeper or some teacher is gonna come soon!" Eddy pushed Nazz, as they were slightly behind schedule. "Alright, I'll get the camera ready, and you put the gay goodies around him."

"So this is like, your ingenious "Oust Kevin Out of the Closet for Make Benefit of Eddy and Nazz Desire to Humiliate" plan, huh?"

"It's great! There's no way anybody will see him as the straight football jock after these photoes get out!"

Nazz got a few fashion magazines, some of the make up that she used before and a sickeningly girly photo album. It was pink and purple with glittery red heart embbelishment. She put those items around Kevin, as though she were placing ornaments in a show room. She removed the chloroform soaked hankerchief from Kevin's face… and a surprised expresion spread across her face. "Oh my God Eddy…"

"Don't argue about the robes. They're stayin' on!"

"No Eddy… it's… its Kevin!" Nazz began to tremble. "He's not breathing… and he doesn't have a pulse… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" she then burst out laughing, tears forming in her eyes, without a hint of panic.

Eddy then checked for signs of life for himself to confirm: no breathing, no pulses… No _nothing_. Kevin was about as alive as roadkill. "Whaddya know? It's official. Pfft… Kevin Barr is dead… Hahahahaha! Yeah, he's dead! I think you used too much chloroform, Nazz… Nice one, BAHAHAHAHAHA!" Eddy wasn't panicked either, and found the entire mishap to be hillarious.

"Oh shit, I thought I like, used a bit too much!" Nazz was still struggling to stifle her laughter. "TV made it look so easy!"

After Eddy calmed himself down a bit, he continued, "OK, so plan A went up in flames, so now its plan B, like we discussed. We're still ridin' high. It'll totally work- I saw this movie about these 2 kids making the other student's deaths look like a suicide. Nazz, get the speedball concotion out."

As Nazz rumaged through the bag for the leather belt and a syringe filled with the "speedball concoction", she came to wonder about something. "Eddy, where the hell did you get all this like, crime stuff from?"

"The black market. I bought the drugs from some dealer in Lemon Brock."

"Wasn't it like, expensive?"

"Yeah, it was."

"How did you afford it?"

"Well, Nazz. Let's just say I have a lucrative side business. Confidentiality and all that. Gotta keep things ethical around here, y'know!"

"Hm. Well, that's convenient," Nazz strapped Kevin's arm with the belt tightly.

"Just like almost everything else about the story of our lives, for better or for worse."

Nazz inspected the syringe with the "speedball" concoction-looking-thing in it, and asked, "What is a speedball?"

"Heroin and coke mixed together," Eddy stated matter-of-factly as he got out Kevin's cell phone. He entered the password he learned from Nazz and hacked into the cell phone. "I'm writing the totally legit suicide note now, so hurry up and sort out the fake O.D."

As Nazz finished injecting the speedball mixture, Eddy hacked into Kevin's FaceSpace account and prepared to compose a PM to send to everyone listed on the Friend List:

_**I'm the most popular and manly jock at school but no matter how hard I try, in the end I'm just a pansy-ass ga-** _

"Hey, who is it? The game's over now! No one's allowed on the football oval!"

The voice belonging to a teacher or groundskeeper forced Eddy to hastily type the last section of the fake suicide note. After hitting "send", Eddy dumped the phone next to Kevin's dead body. Nazz picked up the duffle bag with their scam supplies in it, and ran of along with Eddy as fast as she could.

Fortunately, they weren't being pursued and they probably wasn't discovered. The teacher or grounds keeper would assume the noise would have been made by Kevin's suicide… The adults around these parts are pretty dumb. After all, they didn't figure out that Eddy was behind coercing that butterknifed cheerleader to keep her dyke mouth shut and leave Peach Creek High.

After running madly away for about 5 minutes strait, the criminal duo was puff out.

"I…think…they didn't…see…us." Eddy spoke between heavied breaths. He's not the sporty type whatsoever and a mad dash like this was killing him.

"Well… we weren't… supposed to kill… Kev… but that… worked out OK…" Nazz was also puffed out, and dropped the duffle bag by her side in exhaustion.

"I think… Plan A… should have been… Plan B… from the very beginning… It was the funnest… thing… evar…"

"I'll say… I can't wait… to like… go to school… tommorow…"

"Those stupid fags… Nat and Edd… are gonna be so… devastated!"

Nazz, being the fitter of the 2, had mostly recovered her breath. "Do you think this would like, end up on the news?"

"That would be pretty rad!" Eddy answered, imagining himself as a jock killer everyone is scared of.

"I hope I don't start laughing if they do one of those like, goodbye assemblies! I nearly laughed at the school bus one. It was like, funnier when the bus blew up, though. I had to like, stop trying not to laugh when people started crying and Rolf turned out to be on the bus. He was like, annoying as hell 'cause he tried to like, discourage Kevin from dating me."

"I'm glad there's someone else who enjoyed my handiwork," said Eddy proudly, as though he had just made a big achievement like winning a Noble Piece Prize. Maybe Natasha Van Bartonschmeer isn't the retarded cheerleader he thought she was. She's certainly cooler and had more common interests than anybody else he knows and ever knew.

" _Ah. So_ _ **that's**_ _the third "scam" he was talking about,"_ Nat thought to herself as realisation dawned upon her. Hm. Maybe Edward Flanders wasn't as much of a loser as she had pegged him to be. He was certainly amongst the genuinely cool guys she's ever met in her 17 years on Earth since his jailbird older brother offered her some candy to go to his bedroom. "Why'd ya blow the bus up?"

"'Cause I hate Jimmy. Sorry- _hated_ \- Jimmy. Past tense. But mostly for the evulz."

"Wha?"

"Um, for shits and giggles, basically. Do I need a reason to blow up a bus full of innocent teenagers?"

"Not like, particularly, especiallt if its so funny. Plus theirs no such thing as innocent teens. So you're like, not motivated by jealousy at all?"

Eddy scoffed derisively, as though Nazz was trying to convince him the night sky was actually yellow all along. "Pffft, fuck no. Jealous of what? Being a faggot nerd and dating some overglorified one trick pony jock or being a faggot jock and dating some over glorified loser nerd? Seriously, I never understood love, ya know? People only get by in life because they use other people like tools. So yeah, to me falling in love with someone would be like a builder falling in love with his hammer, or a painter falling in love with his paint brush…"

Nazz definitely understood where the blue-haired Ed was coming from. She's rich, beautiful and popular. Everyone else were just small fry and exist only to serve her needs. Once they became to much trouble or were just plain needless, she trashed them like the useless garbage they are. "People are like, so unrational when their in love. It become's easier to use them when they're like, not thinking straight, though."

"Exactly. I just get what I want, when I want, how I want, where I want. It's not anybody's business as to why. Not like they're smart enough to understand anyway."

"I totally agree with that," Nazz smiled, amazed that there were people as cool and pragmatic as her in this world full of _stupid_. "I mean, everyone's like, out for themselves. We're no different."

"Exactly. Anyway, I better get home before my parents realise Im not home. If the cops come 'round, remember the alibi we planned. Be sure to memorise it. But don't parrot it too much, or else it's unatural," Eddy instructed, and picked up his scam supplies duffle bag that Nazz had put down. "I'll get rid of the evidence. Text me if anything comes up, bimbo."

"Sure thang, loser." Nazz okayed with a wink.

At the fork in the road, the 2 class mates parted ways.


	8. Ceci est le Meilleur Lundi Matin Jamais!

**A/N:** Hello all! Thanks to those who are still reading even after the shocking events of the last chapter. The story is still gonna be super duper serious so if you want fluff this aint the story for you.

**Disc2aimer:** I never owned Nickolodean

**Trigger warnings:** Sadness

* * *

Today was going to be the best monday morning ever. Unbecoming of fall there wasn't a single cloud in the skies. The heavens were a beautiful blue and the morning sun shined brightly, as though the holy beings up above expressed there good mood. It was a bit chilly, but at the same time, that crisp chilliness was a refreshing start to the best Monday morning ever.

It was going to be Eddward Stuart's first Monday morning at school with his new boyfriend, Kevin Bar.

Nathan Kedd Goldberg was looking forward to seeing how Kevin went with confessing to Edd. He couldn't wait to pick on the adorkable new couple.

Nazz felt more refreshed than a trip to the day spa after being able to exact her revenge on Kevin and to an extent to Edd and Nat. It didn't cost a dime so that's nice. Plus she was to start making preparations for the Edd Phase of Eddy's scam. She was still brainstorming on how to best ruin Nat's life even more, though. She can't wait to see the news of Kevin's death hit them like a ton of bricks.

Eddy had vanquished the most annoying faggot in the world who was also his enemy. The pleasure of that was so great that he immediately got to work on his next _marvellous, massive, devious, ultimate_ scam. Eddy's just the type of guy who always wants more. That being said, the current "scam" of his isn't quite complete. There was still the Edd Phase to go and if Nat proves to be a cunty new #1, the tealhaired jock will probably find himself "commiting suicide" and reuniting with Kevin a lot earlier than anticipated.

But for a certain redheaded jock, the Monday morning will never come…

Double D was so excited to ride Kevin's motorcycle to school. Ordinarily, he wouldn't want to even be neare one, but there was many perks. 1, he got to embrace Kevin tightly now, not having to worry about personal space so much. 2, its much quicker than walking. 3, he got to spend just that extra bit of time with Kevin. 4, its kinda pretty damn cool actually.

Speaking of Kevin and his motorcycle, there was no signs of him even though it's now 7:25am. Kevin was supposed to have breakfast at Double D's house that morning since the latters parents wasn't going to be home, but he never showed up… Plus he didn't reply to the SMS Edd sent him on Sunday night… Well, that's not very odd. The only thing Kevin is rigorously punctual about is his various sporting activities. However, in about ten minutes, Edd definitely had to leave the house unless he wanted to be late on this perfect Monday morning.

Edd decided to wait until 7:35. Still, Kevin didn't show up. No message, no call, nothing.

" _This is certainly odd. He at least leaves a message to inform me he will be late to things when we were just friends…"_ Eddward thought to himself.

The genius Ed then picked up his trusty messenger bag and left home once he was sure he didn't forget anything. Sending Kevin a quick SMS about how the jock didn't have to worry about picking him up from his house, Edd exit his house and lock the front doors.

A strange feeling then brewed in his tender heart.

Instead, he felt as though he had to hope today will be a good day. It no longer felt garanteed.

* * *

The _supposedly_ best Monday morning has now turned into the strangest Monday morning for young Eddward Stuart.

Walking through the frontdoors of the school building, Edd could feel the dark gloomy air that permeated about the place.

Stranger yet, most of the students inside gave him a sorrow look, but turnt away as soon as Edd tried to greet them or make eyecontact.

Just what is going on?

As soon as Double D had finally reached the 1-D lockers, he quickly noticed a small group around Nat Goldberg. Nat looked as though he had only 2 minutes of sleep and had the life sucked out of him. It was obvious to any body who wasn't vision impaired that some thing was very wrong. "Good morning, Nat. Say… What is the matter?"

Nat looked up at Edd briefly, but then looked down again. The other class mates and friends surrounding Nat looked at Double D in complete and utter bewilderment. It was as though they couldn't believe what they were seeing or hearing from the tall Ed.

"Kevin's dead, Double D."

That nonchalance could only belong to a certain blue-haired shorter Ed. Eddy Flanders had a strained expression on his face. Not from grief, sadness or anger, but it was the look of some one trying they're best not to smile. As if Eddy could read Edd's suspicions, he put a hand over his mouth, but couldn't bring himself to look away from Double D, because that look of a fag in sheer despair was to good to miss out on.

Eddward's gut felt like it sunk into the earth. But even than, the truth didn't quite registered. There was still hope. Eddy must have been joking, and Kevin will rush in and punch him soon. "Good morning to you, Eddy. That is a terrible joke, even by your vile standards."

"He's not joking, loser. Kevin like, offed himself on Sunday, apparently," Nazz put on a soft voice, but didn't even try to conceal her smug, conceited and condescending tone. She was just like Eddy. This was more than just _good_ news to them. More than just _fantastic_ news to them. This was _hilarious_ to them, and the only thing that's stopping theose 2 from bursting out into laughter was the threat of getting beated up or admonished by the many students just out side classroom 1-D.

The 17-year-old genius' knees began to shake. The earth beneath him crumbled. These 2… _monsters_ were messing up his balance by ripping the ground from under him with thier cruel words.

But there was still hope left in Eddward's heart…

Nazz is quite angry at Kevin. Maybe she and Edd had joined forces to piss off a bunch of people.

It was just a matter of time until Kevin struted into the hall way and put these 2 unfunny clowns in they're place.

"They're not joking, Edd. Kevin comitted suicide on Sunday night at the bleachers at the football oval just after the junior varsity team's rugby match."

The world was spinning around. The ground might as well have been air. He was loosing his footting and his vision failed him and his delicious breakfast suddenly felt like deadly poison that needed expelling from inside him. Eddward has never felt so sick in his entire life.

Nat meant no ill will, but his words were the final straws that broke the back of Eddward's camel of false hope… False hope of Kevin coming too school this morning.

It was supposed to be a good day… Even if he were wrong, did it have to be this bad? He never done nothing to deserve it.

"But… but… I do not understand… Why?!" Edd dragged himself to be next to Nat, his only real friend left in the world. He grabbed Nat's shoulder and repeated, "WHY?!"

"The FaceSpace PM he sent everyone before he died might have something to do with it… Oh wait… you don't have a FaceSpace yet. I thought it was a joke when I got it last night."

"What did it say?!" Double D perked up, desperate to know.

"It said, " _I'm the most popular and manly jock at school but no matter how hard I try, in the end I'm just a pansy-ass_ _ **gal**_."" Nat recited word-for-word, having memorised the final words he received from his beloved best friend.

"WHAAAAT?!" Eddy exclaimed in an unconcealed anger-shock. He then quickly try to replace rage with fake surprise. " _ **GAL**_?!"

Nazz gave Eddy an extremely puzzled look. "Pansy-ass… _**gal**_?"

Eddy couldn't beleive it. This is the biggest scam he has ever pulled of in his life… and he had made a critical mistake. Because of a fucking typo! _"BULLSHIT! It was supposed to be_ _ **GAY**_ _, not GAL! Fucking hell! I musta made that fucking typo when I had to run away and got rushed! FUCK!"_

"Um, Nat, are you sure he didn't mean like, "G-A-Y?"" Nazz suggested, finding "gal" a bit odd. She didn't actually know what the fake suicide note said as she was too busy preparing Kevin's O.D. on that night and hasn't been on FaceSpace yet since so she was under the impression that it was Eddy's intent until she saw his reaction.

"It said "gal". I'm sure of it." Nat solemnly got his cell phone out, and opened up his FaceSpace account. He then loaded the strange private message he got from "Kevin". "See?"

"Oh yeah. I still don't like, get it, though."

"Kevin was found wearing girls cloths. He had a photoalbum full of flowers and baby animals. There was some fashion magazines and make up stuff on and around him too. He killed himself by OD'ing on heroin and coke…" Nat continued to explain.

" _Flowers and baby animals?_ " Eddy repeated quietly in utter disbelief. Nazz shot Eddy yet another utterly confused look.

Eddy then realised his 2nd mistake.

" _As if I mixed up Mom's hobbyist nature photography album with the photos of those gross fags kissing?! DAMN IT ALL TO HELL! I hope she doesn't somehow get her hands on the album with the fag photos! My life would be over if my parents think I'm gay…"_

Well, that's from whom Eddy got the photo album design idea from from the first place anyway. Eddy bought an exact copy of that photo album of his mother's as it was sickly girly and _**gay**_. Yeah, it was supposed to make Kevin look like he had girly gay tastes but everyone was supposed to watch _Kevin get outed as gay_! Not fucking _transgender_!

Homicidal rage builded within him. His scam was supposed to be perfect!

So much for "3rd time lucky!"

" _But… At least everyone got scammed into thinking he OD'd 'cause he's a fucking girly sicko now! My scams are always perfect… Even when they don't go perfectly, they're perfect!"_ Eddy was seething and came up with this shity excuse for himself. It was the only way for him to contain his boiling rage and stop him from bashing the lockers around him.

Edd continued to cry more, devastated that he couldn't figure out his boy friend's biggest secret. Kevin's room didn't have a hint of anything like this! "Kevin was a conflicted trans woman!" Edd started to cry even more than before, and almost bordered on wailing. He couldn't believe that Kevin died all because of an uncaring society that would have judged him harshly for his conflicted gender identity." Though he was about to fall apart, Double D had to be brave… like Kevin was in his final moments. "Kevin left this cruel, uncaring world as _her_ self. Her whole life, she was forced to abide by narrow-minded, stereo typical gender roles! She dove into sports and riding motorcycles, when really… she was into photography and fashion! So many unspeakably cruel things happened in her difficult life… and now… _THIS_?!"

Everyone in the hallways- save for Eddy and Nazz- felt extremely sorry for Kevin. No wonder Kevin was such an asshole… with so much going on in his hard life, on top of having a gender identity crisis… He was forced to maintain the façade of being an alpha male. It excused and justified all of his less than admirable actions and was the answer to explain all aspects of him.

"Edd's right!" Nat stood up, with a sudden sense of renewed vigour. "We can't let Kevina's sacrifice go to waste. We have to stand up against this bigoted world! We have to stand up for transgender rights!"

" _Kevina?!"_ Nazz would have burst out laughing if it weren't for the fact that Kevin is being honoured rather than hated and scorned like she had hoped. _"His parents' divorce was like, pretty amicable compared to many others out there. God, Kevin was like, such a drama queen. I thought it was just some dumb excuse to bully people!"_

" _Transgender rights?!"_ Eddy repeated in his mind, unable to believe how wrongly his scam was going, and not wanting those disgusting cross-dressers to be treated as humans.

"Nat is correct!" Edd stood up and wiped away his tiers with his sleeves. "Kevina Barr is my treasured companion no matter what! Kevina died because of our ignorance. We have to rise above the opressive gender binery system if we truly want to set the soul of not only Kevina, but the souls of other gender crisis-related suicides to rest! STAND UP FOR KEVINA!"

Nat and Eddward had rallyed everyone in the hall way. Every one- again, accept for Eddy and Nazz- punched their fists into the air in a show of support.

"Adorkable, we have serious work to do. You have to come to my place and help set up the FaceScape campaign page with me." Nat outlined his plan, and Edd nodded in agreement.

"We must fight the fight Kevina can no longer join us in. She would have wanted this if she were still alive…"

"Seriously. Why don't you just organise a protest or rally or something if you're gonna be this dramatic about it?" Eddy rolled his eyes and continued, "My dad rallies with his group members when they want to futilely try and make absurd changes to the law."

"Great idea, Eddy! I knew you weren't so bad deep down!" Nat took Eddy's sarcasm as gospel truth. "We have to set up rally dates on the page!"

By this point, the 2 had grown sick of watching everyone make a hero out of "Kevina Barr", and walk away from the cheering mob. Eddy and Nazz entered classroom 1-D. As everyone was preoccupied outside, it was totally empty save for them.

"Ever heard of the saying, "digging yourself deeper?" Seriously loser, what the hell were you like, thinking giving them inspiration and all?" Nazz made her exasperation known to her partner-in-crime.

"Sometimes, I feel as though I'm literally unable to help myself. Something must be forcing me to say and do such dumb shit!" Eddy shouted, but nobody heard him as they were too busy cheering "Kevina Barr" on.

"Yup. Always like, someone else's fault, isn't it?"

"One of the five most important lessons in life I've ever learned, Nazz: Never admit to anything being your fault, even if it's for some dumb shit like stealing a cookie from the school canteen."

Eddy and Nazz sighed yet again.

Instead of humiliating Kevin, all they've done was turn the redheaded sporting prodigy into a transgender rights martyr and made him _even more popular_ than he was before. Worse, the respect people had for Kevin was now genuine, and not a product of sycophancy or fear. Even worse yet, Edd and Nat were quickly gaining respect and popularity from their peers for trying to set aside their grief and not waste brave "Kevina Barr's sacrifice" and make a difference.

In short, they have pretty much achieved the exact oposite of what they wanted. Edd and Nat's enormous grief didn't last long enough to really enjoy that aspect, too.

"Does this like, count as Plan B of the Kevin Phase of your scam failing?" Nazz quipped, frustrated with the turn of events. She took it out on Eddy, and she wasn't too blameful for doing so since it was Eddy's convenient-for-Edd-and-Nat's mistakes that caused all of this.

"We did get rid of Kevin," Eddy offered weakly.

"True, but the point was to like, make a fool out of him and all. He's practically like, a hero now. He actually would have been like, better off still alive 'cause he would deny everything and all."

"Says the one who killed him."

"Hey, it was like, a total accident. Honest. I'm still like, totally surprised that chloroform isn't as easy to use as it is on like, CSI or Law & Order or whatever. Point is, we both screwed up and like, the totally failproof scam with failsafes like pretty much failed miserably in the grand like, schemes of things. What do you think would turn this all around and not be like, another total dud of yours, loser?"

Eddy paused for only a few seconds, and quickly replied, "A simple, reckless plan that has a focus on mindless revenge rather than the initial convoluted plot to humiliate."

"That's totes what I was thinking, word-for-word. Sounds good to me, loser. Blowing up the school bus again?"

"Hey, I'm not a one dimensional one trick pony. Plus none of the fuck-wits we want to get back at catch the school bus. Why don't you just knife them like you were going to the other day?"

"You're not funny, loser and you're the one who interrupted me, remember? Whatevs. I wanted to blow stuff up, but apparently you like, have better ideas," Nazz expressed her disappointment.

Eddy ignored Nazz's retort. "I think we'll go one better. Let's get planning, then- as early as this lunch. I hate seeing Double Faggot and the Teal Faggot not so upset anymore. I thought they'd be shattered for ages, man. Fuckin' sucks balls. We'll scrap the Double D phase of the original plan altogether and make a new MASSIVE plan to execute next Monday."

"Um, don't you like, mean "scam?""

"Nope. This is definitely just a plan. Well, not just _any_ plan, but a MASSIVE one. Lots and lots of chaos."

"You're like, speaking my language, loser. Since I like, can't seem to learn from my mistakes, I'm like, totally in."

Maybe today wasn't the best Monday morning after all, but there's always other ones to look forward to… like the next one!


	9. Au Revoir Kevin, Bonjour la Vérité

**A/N:** Sorry for delayed update and thanks for reading!

Me: Eddy, read out the disclaimer!

Eddy: But I don't want toooo!

Me: DO IT!

Eddy: *Sighs* Luciu-sama doesn't own Ed, Edd n Eddy

Me: Here have a jawbreaker

Eddy: Yay jawbreaker! *Munch munch*

* * *

It didn't take long for the news of Kevin's passing to spread all across Peach Creek. Of course, the local and national news covered it, but due to Nat and Edd's efforts, Kevin's death sparked an outrage of how poorly the trans-gender are treated by society, their awarenes programe, "The Kevina Barr Transgender Awareness Foundation" and Kevin's "suicide" was cover even on inter-national news bulletin. As it was a day before Kevin's funeral, one of the U.S.'s most viewed prime time news programme, _7:30 with Wolf News_ , called upon Nat and Edd to be interviewed by one of it's main hosts.

"Good evening, America, and welcome to _7:30 with Wolf News_ , where we bring all the hot and controversial topics to the table and treat them with the openmindedness, fairness and respect they deserve according to us. I'm the host, Sean O'Reilly and I'll be having a chat with The Kevin Barr Transgender Awareness Foundation representatives, Eddward Goldberg and Nathan Stuart." Sean opened the programme, and then turned his attention to Double D and Nat. "Welcome to the proggram, boys. First of all, you have my deepest condolenses for young Kevin Barr's passing. It was far too soon for such a star athlete," Sean placed a hand over his heart as he offered his condolences more towards the camera rather than Eddward and Nathan. Neither bothered correcting their names.

"Thank you very much, and Mr. O'Reilly, it is _Kevina_ Barr, with all due respect, as Kevina would very much like to be refered to using feminine pronouns," nervously corected Double D.

"But was he not born as _Kevin_ Barr? Mr. Barr is a _male_ , is he not?"

"Well," Nat quickly interjected, fast growing impatient by the newshost's ignorance. "Kevina _is_ a lady and would like to be treated as such."

"Yes, but perhaps Kevin's odd behaviour was brought on by mental illness, which we see in other lifestyle choices such as homosexuality, emo depression and drug addiction. By all accounts, he was a star athlete and captain of 4 varcity teems at Peach Creek High School and a keen motor cyclist. That is as manly as you can get, if you ask me."

"Mr. O'Reilly, Kevina was not mentally ill, but she most likely had a gender identity crisis which culminated in the taking of her own-"

Double D was interrupted by Sean O'Reilly talking into his headset. "Yes, _oh my God_ , no way! Yes, yes… Ladies and gentleman, we must interrupt our current scheduled programme with _BREAKING NEWS_! Wolf News has just recieved reports of troubled heiress of the Houlton casino chain and reality TV superstar Kimberly Houlton has uploaded links to her own sex tape across the Internet. Wolf News' senior celebrity corespondent Martha Rivera is right in front of Kimberly's New York pent house. Martha, what is Kimberly's current mental state?"

All Eddward and Nat could do was sit in place and be irritated by their important interview being rudely interrupted. They both tuned out the nonsensical "news report" and hoped to God it will end as soon as possible.

"…And that was Martha Rivera reporting live in front of Kimberly's New York penthouse. We will now return to our scheduled programme, _7:30 with Wolf News_ , in which we're conducting an interview with Eddison and Nathaniel Silverberg, brothers of Kelvin Barton, a female-to-male transsexual who died after a battle with drug addiction."

Nat and Double D sighed in frustration. They were going to have to battle the complete stupidity and apathy of the general public if they had any hope of raising awareness for their dearly departed friend.

* * *

Peach Creek had said it's goodbye to Kevin Barr and was ready to lay his body under ground for a peace full rest.

Peach Creek Cathedral was filled to the brim with moaners from the school and of course, members of Kevin's heart broke family. The funeral service had just concluded and the coffin containing Kevin was already wiskered away on a hearth, being transported for burial at Peach Creak Cemetary. Those close to Kevin too were making they're way to the cemetery to bid their final fare well to the unfortunate football prodigy. The funeralgoers were dressed to the 9s in black so the out pouring of the guests looked like a river of black flowing out of the cathedral.

_Wolf News_ was supposed to briefly cover the event as a tribute to Kevin, but after Nat and Sean O'Reilly spent the rest of the _7:30 with Wolf News_ run time arguing with one another in the news' proud "openminded, fair and respectful reporting" environment, it was safe to say that a minor fallingout had occured and Sean O'Reilly canceled the media apearance. Still, some empathetic and sympathetic members of the public still came and offer Kevin's parents their genuine condolenses, as well as the ocasional bouquet of neon pink stargazer lilies to further express their sympathy.

As though to spit in the face of the moaners, a small group of hillybillies were picketing just outside the entrance of the cathedral. Some wore various anti-gay shirts such as "FAG FOOTBALLER = SIN AGAINST JESUS" and "FAGS DOOM PEACH CREEK", whilst others were holding up crudely constructed signs that read "FAGGY GAYNESS WILL DOOM PEACH CREEK" and simply, "LOCAL FAG RUINS EVERYTHING".

Kevins parent's noticed them and even in their consolable grief, approached the vocal minority. They couldn't beleive that there was peoples heart lessened enough to boycot a funeral of a tragic loss of young life.

"Excuse me," Mr. Barr began, trying to fight his urge to punch the naysayers. "Who are you and what the hell do you think you're doing at my daughter's funeral?! Have some respect and get out before I call the police!"

"Wait, _daughter_?!" the long-haired brunette lady who appeared to be the group's leader expressed surprise.

"Yes, our _daughter_ , Kevina!" Kevin's mother angrily shouted at the leader. "She killed herself because of ignorant and bigoted people like you pressuring her to fit into oppressive gender norms!"

"EXACTLY!" Mr. Barr shouted, indignant. By now, all of the funeral goers were listening and crowded around the commotion. Some passerbys even paused their business and became onlookers. "My son is actually my daughter. Yeah, _she_ wasn't the star quarterback I though she always was, but… _I LOVE MY DEAD TRANS WOMAN SON_! I'm proud of Kevina's braveness for becoming the person she truly is!"

Kevin's mother and Mr. Barr sobbed in each others' arms. Every one else became speech lessened, though eventually some started to tear up faces and blow off their noses.

Eddward and Nat exchanged awkward glances. They better keep the part where Kevin is _actually gay_ or at least bisexual as well a secret, as that would just be plain humiliating for him and his family.

"Oh, I'm so very sorry; I thought your daughter was gay. Pardon my mistake. OK guys, let's go. That gay marine's funeral is starting in about 4 hours and we need to regroup and swap some signs over!" the leader rounded up her followers and they quickly walked off with their pointy red devil tails between their Satan-loving legs.

"Good Lord! What on Earth was that all about?" Eddward asked Nat in astonishment, though he wasn't expecting an answer.

"Um… judging by their leader, those fashion faux pas shirts and those shitty signs and their redneckyness, I think they're the West Lemon Brook Church extremists."

"Interestingly, though they appear to be ignorant, they seem to grasp the difference between transgander and homersexuality. Many categorise them as a to-may-toes to-mah-toes sort of thing."

"Maybe our foundation _is_ really getting through to people!" said Nat cheerfully. "We better up date this victory against The Antitransgender System on the FaceSpace page!"

"That, we must," Double D agreed with a smile, adjusting his red bowtie. He reached into his right trouser pocket for his cell phone to check the time, but he couldn't feel it. "Oh dear. It seems as though Kevin's forgetfull influence has rubbed off onto me. I appear to have misplaced my cell phone."

"Don't sweat it, adorkable. It probably slipped out of your pocket on or around the paws."

"You are quite right. I shall check the pews as you suggest."

"Look, my familys rides is here, so we're gonna get to the burial before you. I'll see you at the cemetery."

"Allright. See you soon, Nat." Edd farewell and reentered the cathedral.

* * *

The interior of the cathedral was almost completely empty, which was slightly eerie to Double D as just about ten minutes ago, the paws were crammed full of moaners.

It really was a beautiful cathedral, with it's dramatically high ceiling and gorgeous stained glass window art depicted key biblical events. There was a burgundy rug leeding to the centrefront of the cathedral interior, where the stands for mounting candles were on and the dais where the priest stood was located. The rows of beautifully polished, dark brown wooden pews were paralleled with divine accuracy, with the two columns of them being separated by the burgundy rug.

Right at the very front pews were 2 people he recognised instantly. 1 was a short fellow with blue hair and the other was a beautiful-only-on-the-outside blonde bitch-in-sheep's-clothing. They didn't notice Edd coming in as the cathedral is quite large and they were right at the front. Double D did recall seeing Edward Flanders and Nazz Van Bartonschmeer attend the funeral service, though it was clear they were bored out of their minds and didn't want to attend- however well they thought they hid their true thoughts about the situation behind a veneer of pathetically fake silent solemnity.

The tall Ed nearly jumped wright out off his skin when the cathedral echoed with raucous laughter. It belonged to Eddy and Nazz's conversation. Whatever the topic was, it had to be really amusing. Eddward knew they were cold individuals but to laugh just after a very depressing wake? Fair enough about Eddy, who held a clear animosity towards Kevin, but what about Nazz? Didn't she love Kevin enough to stab her competition? Why could she manage to laugh so much? Then again, what Nazz said at the cafeteria came across to Edd like some body who was using, not loving Kevin. It wasn't very consistent, the more Edd thought about it, but since his darling boy friend is gone now, in the end, it doesn't really matter. He had fallen and lost it all.

Filled with a morbid curiosity as to what they were talking about- and against his standards of cleanliness- Double D crouched down on the ground and crawled closer to the front where Eddy and Nazz stood. As he was obscured by the pews and took care in not leting any thing scrap the granite floors (such as his leather dress shoes), the young genius was able to approach his targets with out trouble. Once he reached a distance far enough to not be spoted but close enough to hear the conversation he tried to make himself as small as possible and hid behind a pew row.

"Man, that was so fuckin' _boring_. I hate funerals. I thought I'd like this one because it's Kevin's but, fuck, since everyone was talking Shovel Chin up, ignoring his wrongdoings and all… It sucked."

"Like, really?" Nazz disagreed with the stout Ed. "I was trying not to laugh the whole time. Thank God my Mom like, suggested the back row seats."

"Hmm… Well, there were some good moments," critiqued Eddy, as though the two were talking about a B-grade movie just after they had seen it. "Like, I can't believe they buried Shovel Chin in drag… I nearly lost it when I looked in the coffin!" the memory alone was about to make Eddy burst into laughter again.

"Most of all, I like, can't believe we got away with it all."

" _WHAAAAAAT?!"_ Edd thought to himself, covering his mouth in case he would yell out in surprise. All of a sudden, a bad feeling churned inside of the genius' stomach.

"Well, it was a great scam after all. I was content with humiliating Kevin, but he went and died for us! That was great."

"LOL, totes. Now everyone thinks he's like, a gross pansy tranny forever. That would like, totally hurt his ego. Wish he was alive to see it."

"Says the one who killed him."

"Not that again!" Nazz laughed at her own mistake that resulted in Kevin's death, as if her blunder were as minor as making a typo. "You made two mistakes that like, resulted in this brouhaha of transgender rights bullshit, so you can't really talk."

The two stood up and walked out of the cathedral. Once Double D was completely sure they were gone, he stood back up and stretched his legs.

He couldn't believe what he just heard. Never in his 16 years on Earth had Edd felt this much rage and soul-crushing despair, as well as so much raw hatred.

It was obvious to 17-year-old Eddward that Eddy and Nazz are bad news, but it was only now- far too late for now, anyway- that Edd was able to figure out just how unhinged the two were.

Double D, being the angle with no flaws that he is, could have forgiven the 2 if they had a good reason to accidentally-on-purpose killed Kevin, but they do not.

It was just for fun and pety, misguided revenge that wouldn't solve any thing what so ever, with the true purpose being to just cause chaos and grief to satiate their own warped, violent lusts.

That's why Eddward won't be going to the police. There had to be _drama_ in ending those pieces of shit. On hallowed ground, Eddward had sworn that he will get his revenge. That will heal the wounds in his heart, that will regain Kevin's honour and most of all… it'll solve many woes. No more students will get scammed, and no more students will get harassed by Queen Bitch Nazz.

In a truly selfless, completely unselfish decision, brave Eddward Stuart will step up to the challenge of standing up to Eddy and Nazz.

He will execute his plan on the next closest school day, which was next Monday.

The 2 were rabid animals, and somebody had to put them down…

…Though Edd had no idea how he will be able to physically overpower Eddy or even the not-so-surprisingly aggressive Nazz with his weaker constitution.

From out of no where and suddenly, the rage that stired within his heart felt as though it were flowing through his body. His blood felt like it was boiling in his veins and there was an aching pain within him as though someone were trying to stretch and break him. Eddward screamed in pain as the contortions got worse, and was reduced to rolling on the ground in a foetal position.

"What is this… pain?!" gasped the young genius. As he wrythed on the ground in his uncontrolable response to this sudden pain, he saw his cell phone slip out of his left pocket and onto the cathedral floor. "Well what do you know? Even though I am in complete agony, good things can still happen."

As Double D reached for his fallen cell phone, he saw thick, coarse white fur rapidly growing all over his arm and his fingernails becoming deadly sharp claws. He glanced over to his other hand, and the exact same thing was happening. As he tried to grab his cell phone, his transformed claws deeply scratched the front screen.

"Oh, darn it! It is only 2 months old! Mother and Father will be most upset!" fretted Edd as he inspected the damaged screen. In the reflection- though somewhat warped due to the screen's scratch- he saw a horrifying, white lupine face stare back at him. "Oh my goodness! I do not recall changing my home screen wallpaper to that of a white semi-transformed werewolf!" Edd fretted some more.

The genius inspected the werewolf wallpaper's mouth movements match his, and finally put two-and-two together.

"Oh dear! That is not my wallpaper… I have become a hideous monster!" in shock, Eddward let go of his scratch smart phone. After it plumeted and hit the solid granite floor, it became a _shattered front screen_ smartphone. "Oh darn it again! Its worse then the scratch. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear…"

Then, it all dawned on him.

"How in the world did I turn into this werewolf abomination in the middle of the day and with no warning whatsoever? I would think Mother and Father would… Oh my, I remember now!"

The memories of just another regular family dinner replayed in Double D's mind…

" _Eddward, son of mine. Those with Stu…" Edd's father stopped to have a sip of his morning coffee and continued, "With Stuart blood become werewolves when they kiss their one true love…"_

" _Fa-father? I cannot believe it!" a 13-year-old Double D responded in shock._

" _Those in the Stuart family who kiss their one true loves become cursed to become snow white werewolves with brilliant ruby red eyes."_

_It was hard to believe, but Eddward knew that Mother and Father- especially Father- were never wrong. "W-what else would happen to me?"_

" _You can change between human, half-wolf and complete lupine formes at will once the pain of the initial transformation subsides. You will be granted with superhuman strength, agility, endurance, stamina, speed and dexterity. You will become nigh untouchable. Oh wait, just don't allow silver to enter your body."_

By the time Eddward snapped back to the present, the pain had subsided and he had become human once again with the formal clothes he was wearing somehow relatively intact save for some minor scuffs and dust marks.

"I cannot believe I forgot such important information. Regardless… I have now found a wonderful solution to my previous woe about not being able to outmatch Eddy and Nazz in strength…"

With a charmingly devilish angle smirk, Eddward immediately formulated plans in his mind for avenging Kevin's death…


End file.
